Basic Distrust in Relationships

I know that most of my blogs are about relationships as they pertain to couples. In the last few postings, I’ve deviated a bit but that’s because I truly believe that relationships with oneself or with one’s extended world also are significant. Not only are they important but I believe they are all interconnected. That having been said, I want to share two incidents that occurred to me recently that had to do with helping strangers and with fear.

The incidents

I was recently in NYC waiting for a friend to arrive from Boston via public transportation, the Limoliner. She called on her cell to give me a traffic update in which she indicated that they were going to be rather late. A somewhat elderly woman was let off on the street, holding on to a walker with an oxygen tank and a carry-on piece of luggage. She was going to take the Limoliner back to Boston. Clearly, she was not able to manage both pieces by herself. When I informed her that the vehicle was detained, it was also apparent that she would have difficulty standing outside for the next 45 minutes or so. I offered to help her into the hotel to sit and assured her I’d come to get her when the Limoliner came. She was so thankful and kept questioning why I was being so helpful.

Here’s the next incident. I was driving home from babysitting my grandson. An awful storm had hit and all the parkways flooded and were closed. Though I have GPS, it kept directing me to the closed parkway. This went on for hours! Yes, yes -- I could have gone back to my daughter’s house, but I really wanted to get home. I ended up I knew not where except for a town that had a power outage. Since it was hours later, I was in need of a restroom and my gas light indicated I was out of fuel! The GPS did help me find a local gas station. Yeah! As I pulled in, it became very clear that I was out of my element. I walked into the office and I was followed in by a rather unsavory looking man. Being totally honest, to say that I was uncomfortable is minimizing it. But I had no other options. I used the restroom. I filled up my car. And I got directions to an unflooded highway -- by the unsavory man who had followed me in. Now the stranger was me!

The meaning

Clearly, we live in fear of one another. There is a basic distrust. Is this caused by not knowing one another? Is it our differences? Is this not why there is so much world conflict? Based on the outcomes, in neither case was there a reason. But here’s the thing. When I finally got home and was talking to my husband about it, he asked if I had that look of fear on my face -- that look that would tell others, “I’m afraid, I’m vulnerable, I’m a target.” His point is very valid. We are always reacting to one another, even if it is at a sub-awareness level. You give off certain energy that can be picked up by others. The problem is that though others pick up your reactions, they don’t always interpret it correctly. In these cases, there was fear. But it could easily have been interpreted as say, lack of appreciation. I’m not sure if there is an easy solution to this problem. Is there a prevalence of universal fear that trickles down to couples or is it the other way around? But I do know that trust is a basic dynamic for any relationship to be strong. And since it is unlikely that you or I can do anything on a global level, I suggest that each of us try to be more mindful on an individual level. If you each start to be more helpful and open to others, maybe little by little we can all start to trust each other. Wouldn’t that be grand?

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