Rituals That Enhance Your Relationship

When you get to the bottom line, the reason that you want to be in a relationship is because you want to know that you matter to someone else. In this big world of millions of people, having a partner, lets you know that someone cares about you, that you are accepted, that you are not lost among the crowds. This desire for feeling connected really stems back to the initial need for attachment to a caring figure as a child.

Of course, the biggest problem in a relationship that I see couples come in with is a sense of disconnection and feeling that he or she does not matter to his or her partner. The question then becomes how do you let your mate know that he or she really is important to you?

This reminds me of the movie, "Fiddler on the Roof." At one point in the script, the couple reflects on all the things that they do for each other as far as tasks but then ask of one another, "Do you love me?" So, perhaps this reminds us that going out and working all day to support the family or staying home and taking care of the house and kids -- as monumental as those tasks are -- are just not enough.

Good things come in small packages

There are, however, lots of things that you and your partner can do that will help to let one another know how important you are to each other. They are rituals. And as small as the behaviors are, they signify in big ways your connection, your bond.

Though I often mention Hallmark celebrations, noting birthdays and anniversaries are ways of letting someone know that you have him or her on your mind; that he or she is not forgotten. My father-in-law always wrote a poem for my mother-in-law on the morning of their anniversary and left on the kitchen table before he left for work. He wrote it on a napkin! I don't ever remember hearing her complain that she felt ignored.

My husband generally awakens every morning before I do. But when he hears me get up, he comes in to greet me with a hug and kiss. I cannot even express what it means to me to feel so welcomed each day.

To get you going

Here are some other ideas for you:

1. Have a ritual around leaving and coming home -- even if the absence is for short periods.
2. Do something to acknowledge one another at the beginning and ending of each day.
3. During the day, connect with each other by a phone call, an email, or a text message.
4. Make time to spend together that is not based on problem solving or issues but just for enjoyment of one another.
5. If one of you is going away, leave a surprise note in the suitcase.
6. Acknowledge your partner's accomplishments publicly to others.
7. Be supportive to your mate when needed rather than trying to fix things.
8. Let your significant other know you are appreciative of what he or she does even if it is mundane.
9. Try new things together. Novelty helps to keep the relationship fresh. And when you share this adventure together, it is again connecting.
10. Make sure to be affectionate. Touch is very important for a sense of connection.

Certainly, this list is not exhaustive. The more personal your rituals, the more meaningful they will be. The need for connection is something you both need and when it is there, it is very magical!

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