How Successful are You?

In every religion, there are certain times when the people of its faith are more focused on reflection. In the Jewish faith, we have just celebrated the New Year and at the time of this posting will be observing Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. During these eight days we are to look back at the past year, ask for forgiveness, and pray that we be inscribed in the Book of Life for the next year.

As I did my own reflecting and listened to something the Rabbi said in his sermon, I was motivated to share some of my thoughts with you. I feel that given the current state of our society, they are particularly significant.

Are you happy?

As a psychologist in private practice, you can well imagine, much of what I hear is about people not feeling happy. And a great deal of what they believe would make them more happy is if they were successful. Generally, the conversation turns to things of a concrete nature -- more money, a nicer house, better vacations, etc.

Many of you might agree. After all, this is the belief system that has been taught to us in our capitalistic society where we have opportunities for all sorts of gain and prosperity. Please do not misinterpret what I am saying -- I am not anti-American. What I am is concerned that things have gotten off balance.

Our society has become so frenzied and so driven that there just isn't enough time -- not for our children, not for our mate, not for you. Most everyone prefers to be in a relationship. And the main reason to be in one is so each of you know that you matter; but this is quite a challenge to offer when you are so depleted from all the running around you do.

I was in the Vanguard class of Seligman's Positive Psychology. He maintained that people can learn to be more satisfied with life and live a life that has more meaning. During the course of study, the findings of various research projects were presented to us. One that stands out in my mind was done to assess the level of happiness in lawyers (the wealthiest group in our society). There was a clear indication that these people were not happy. In reality, money does not bring you happiness!

After I went through some very difficult personal struggles, I had to grapple with what was important to me in life. I realized that I was buried constantly in my work and never made time for anything else. Without going through lots of details, I made important life shifts and can honestly now say that I truly enjoy the finer things in life with a deep sense of internal peace. Sometimes it takes real hardship and hitting rock bottom to make major shifts in one's life.

Umm ... is our society about to hit rock bottom to find out that money isn't what really matters?

The meaning of success

Of course, then the question becomes, "What is success?" Well, that brings me back to the Rabbi's sermon. He, too, mentioned how money is not the answer. He spoke rather of feeling an internal sense of peace and the connection to others. And then he made a remark that I believe to be very important. He said that the most profound measure of success is when you have made a difference in someone's life.

Making a difference in someone's life doesn't have to be like moving a mountain. Often, it is merely a small gesture. But it does mean stopping from the personal craziness and thinking about other. Did you ask your child how his or her day was and really delight in the silly looking art project that was brought home? Did you touch your partner's arm when he or she expressed some concern to you, even when you didn't think it was bothersome? Did you call a friend to see how she is feeling? Did you stop in order to help a stranger with directions? I think most of you underestimate how powerful a kind remark or a simple touch to someone might be.

I consider having the privilege of writing this blog for Thirdage a real honor. Each week, I get to share my thoughts with you. If I have gotten any of you to rethink some of your ideas or reconsidered some of your beliefs, then I know I have touched you; I know I am successful. I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to do so. Thank you for reading!