Another Relationship Myth: As Time Goes By

No doubt, most people in long-term relationships realize that to have a successful one, it takes work. What may make it even more difficult are the various myths that have been passed down and are still believed by many. At some point in the past, I wrote about the myth of not going to bed angry. In today's blog, I'd like to talk about the idea that many of you have that when you are with someone for a long time, you grow apart.

Some facts

First, let's talk about the research. Dr. John Gottman has done very impressive studies in a number of areas concerning how couples get along. One of his findings is that 69% of the time couples are not compatible with one another! That's right -- you read it correctly -- are not.

Doesn't this seem amazing? After all, "birds of a feather, flock together." And so many dating services use this premise to match you up with a potential mate.

But you being similar to your partner is not the glue that binds. You can have very different interests and still get along; still have a long-lasting, satisfying, joyful relationship. It isn't shared interests that will save you 10, 20, or 30 years down the road.
Rather, it's a mutual respect for one another and working at your relationship.

The opposing side

So, let's consider the other side of the coin -- the differences between the two of you. There's no reason if one of you likes to do jigsaw puzzles and the other one enjoys reading that you can't be sharing time together as you both do your individual hobbies at the same time in the same room.

Out of openness and respect for one another, you can be willing to join your significant other in their activity -- at least once in a while. You might even find you like it!

One of the things that will help to keep a relationship alive and fresh is novelty. By not doing everything together and then sharing your experiences, it will help this cause. And having some personal space allows for some breathing room and independence as well as personal growth.

As individuals, you will evolve as the years unfold. A relationship is also a dynamic phenomenon that is constantly changing. As such, there will be ups and downs and challenges as you each adjust and readjust. But consider the alternative do you want to stay stagnant just as you were when you first started your commitment to each other?

So, a couple does not necessarily grow apart just because of years gone by. The truth is that when this "disconnect" takes place it is due to the two people not working with the shifts that come along the way -- both as individuals and as a team. It is quite possible to have a wonderful relationship for the long run if you are willing to put in the effort to get the results!

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