Readying Your Relationship for Vacation

Most of you work hard and really look forward to your vacations.  Perhaps some of you have the good fortune of not feeling like, “Thank Goodness, I thought it’d never come.”  And regardless of whether you’re traveling far or near, spend big bucks or not, get a vacation frequently or not, you go into vacation time as a period that you expect to be a change of pace, down time, relaxing, and… reconnecting.

Simple enough, right?  Well, you’d think so.  After all, how can a couple possibly get into problems on a vacation -- vacations are about distressing.

The problem doesn’t lie in the stress factor.  It comes in the expectations each of you have about what will go on during the vacation.  Now you might think this whole notion is silly but whenever a couple tells me they have a vacation planned, I recommend that they talk about what expectations each of them have going into their time off.

I remember one woman telling me she didn’t anticipate any concerns.  After all, they traveled well together.  Then I asked, “It’s been a while since you’ve been away together.  Do you have any fantasies about the kind romantic behavior you’d like your husband to show you?”  Then we started to talk.

Now, you may think I’m taking the fun out of this.  Or, you may believe that you have so much to do to prepare that you have no time to anticipate one more thing. But think about it.  Isn’t it better to take a few minutes to consider your expectations than to go unprepared?  You plan what clothing you’ll need as well as toiletries and other equipment.

Some pointers

You can have this talk as you are traveling to your destination.  Here are some of the things you might want to consider:

1. Will you get up early each day or sleep in?
2. Do you want to do any sightseeing?
3. Will you do any shopping?
4. If one of you really likes to participate in a sport (e.g. golf), and the other doesn’t, how often will that sport be played?
5. How often will you call home to the kids?
6. If business has to be conducted, what kind of boundaries will be set?
7. What are your hopes about the kind of romantic/sexual behavior you’d like?
8. If you are going to restaurants, is there a budget?
9. Will you stay out late at night?

As you discuss the needs that each of you have, some differences may show up.  Then, of course, it’s time to compromise.

Vacations can be very special and can do a lot to refuel you individually and as a couple.  I have learned from experiences with many returning upset couples that having a preventive discussion for a few minutes will serve you far better than either negative comments during the vacation or felt disappointments when you come home.

So, on you mark, get ready, have fun!