What's in a Name?

But, Shakespeare said it best in Romeo and Juliet when he wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." This is a cry from dear Juliet, as she stands in the moonlight bemoaning her heritage; that she and her new love, Romeo are of conflicting houses.

Today, children suffer endless problems with surnames -- far beyond anything Juliet and Romeo (notice how I put HER before HIM? I'm in that kind of mood today) experienced. Why, today there are a large group of Scott-Mariland-Anderson-Hastings or something similar running about like...well, like kids. They are kids. With numerous surnames, all because -- girls, for some reason, insist upon keeping their names when they marry.

I'm thinking about this because -- golly! there's a wedding on the horizon. My eldest is walking down the aisle in six weeks, all decked out in her white finery, lace and satin,  I think. (you think I should know, don't you? being mother other bride and all...but, I've only seen pictures of the wedding dress -- it will be as much a surprise to me, as to everyone else. this because colorado is so far away from new york ...) Meanwhile, my daughter is one of the modern young women of the day -- she has actually requested that her soon to be husband change HIS name to hers. This, of course, will not happen. He is as fond of his last name (and his first, for all I know...it's Matt, we have at least a dozen Matts in the family -- we told her she couldn't marry another one, but...what do I know? I'm only her mother), as is his family. They feel that my daughter should change her name, the way other, normal young women, do. Not taking into account that 'normal' is a relative term today. Meaning, our relatives are normal, yours are nuts.

Enter the Mom...here's what she (I) think: Names are funny things. Shakespeare was trying to make his point -- saying a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. How true. But, the reality is -- this means the surname, not the given name. The surname is the one we find ourselves arguing about, in today's freewheeling, I can do whatever I want, world. Sometimes the surname becomes the given name, purely through respect and admiration of its innate qualities. Generally, however, the surname is either a symbol of proud heritage or a yoke to be endured with all due humility.

Let's face the facts -- HER name wasn't HER name to begin with. It was HIS name...his being the presiding male member of her immediate family. Since time immemorial, maybe longer, I don't know if the records all the way back to Adam and Eve contain surnames, certainly as long as my grandmother (well, my before she passed away grandmother) can remember, wives took their husband's name and children assumed the surname of their male parent. It helped, legally, to take on the surname of one's father -- and that holds true to this day. Surnames being that badge of respectability, I guess.

Hypenating names seems to have become the norm, today. It's one solution, I guess. But, let's be serious...would you like having to learn how to spell, Todd Lancaster-McGinnis-Brown, or Lisa Potteroff-Matthews? And what happens if Lisa Potteroff-Matthews marries Todd Lancaster-McGinnis-Brown? Will their kids be Mary Lancaster-McGinnis-Brown-Potteroff-Matthews, or Mary Potteroff-Matthews-Lancaster-McGinnis-Brown? I don't think legal documents, or any documents for that matter, have enough space for the little Lancaster-McGinnis-Brown-Potteroff-Matthews's. (whew...it's even hard to type!)

Which, when you think about it, isn't Mary's name anyway. It's her parents' name. It's a convenience. It's complicated.

Ok, don't we shackle our offspring with enough of our faults? We give them our tempers, our moodiness, our eyes, hair, and chin. It's just not fair to saddle them with all those names!

If today's young woman truly wants a name of her own...the phone book is full of possibilities. But, being your own person, with your own name, dissects you from the other members of your family. People who share a common surname just naturally hang out together. Usually. I say it's understandable -- sometimes. My daughter has her own business. It would be he** if she had to change her business name from what it is to what it could be. So, if -- for the sake of argument -- you have to be different and buck tradition, if you like being addressed as "Mary Smith" instead of "Mrs. John Brown" then go ahead. We folks from the previous century, when it scared us half to death to make our Dads and Moms mad (and not taking your husband's name would make both of them turn red with rage), will just resort to remembering first names.

Surnames...who cares? Say, I always wanted to be a Rockefeller. But, I'm a DiVita. And yes, it's my ex-husband's name. I only kept it after the divorce in case I ever get arrested. See, sometimes it pays not to have your own name.