Is Your Partner Love-Challenged?

Jude, I'd like to think I'm sensitive but after taking that test I'm having serious doubts. Thanks for calling me a "Ladies Man" in spite of the fact that I have only been intimate with a couple. Regarding the music, I really love a wider variety, 50's through 90's some modern jazz, country, easy listening, even some show tunes. I get teary eyed when I listen to Maurice Chevalier(so) singing "Thank Heaven For Little Girls". Are you familiar with the song by Melissa Manchester "I'll Never Say Goodbye" from the movie " The Promise"? Good music like people comes in many forms.

Yes, Joanie...great songs in the 50's. At least you could understand the words. Then along came that hard metal stuff, and blew our ears off. Never understood half the words they said, either. Probably just as well. Did you ever hear Elvis'song called Old Shep? My favorite Elvis song.

How did you break your ankle in the first place? Did it just snap?

Nah nah, Frankie...what you are is a "Ladies Man." And that doesn't mean always bedding them down. You probably are a flirt, though. Those kind of men are what other men would like to be. Women probably like you because you are more sensitive to them than the general male population. It is all in the mind, and certainly has nothing to do with the lack of the jewels! Julian has much to learn whether he admits it or not.

Jude, it's "I gotta girl name Boney Maroney, doo waa do wha doo doo wha"...oh the fifties had the best songs. Yes, I will get the ankle replacement. I just have to pick the date. I'm thinking I should do it before spring. We'll see. Thanks for your note. And Jude, take a couple of Tums every day. Can't hoigt ;-)

Jude, I can see how some guys and women would get that impression of me given my big mouth. I really just want to have a better relationship with my wife, I don't quite understand the "please every woman" comment. I've only had two different women in my life and I married the second one! Right now I'm very cold, tired, and horny, so unless Julian can offer some relief I just can't be bothered with his observations. Jude, save your wit for the more challenging exchanges.

Ha! Hey, Frankie...look at this goat! He wants to be insulting.

Poor thing must have recognized himself in one of the lesser catagories of men types, and is feeling wounded by the truth. Therefore, he wants to strike back.

Well, Julian, go ahead and hit us with your best shot..just come in close so I can go for your jugular.

jude,
you're quite the confident little intellectual, aren't you.
"There's this type of man, and there's that type of man. Blah blah blah, blah blah."
Jeez, you'd be a difficult person to be around.
Lighten up, and turn off your judgements for just a day.
And Frank, please, grow a pair, will ya?
You're so focused on pleasing every woman, you em-bare-ass the rest of us males.

If you haven't read it yet, go read Myra's comment in I Love You, but You Don't Turn Me On.

I'm fascinated by the use of pronouns when someone describes something,
and how the pronoun choice acts as a Freudian Slip to reveal bias.
Let's reread the post "Is Your Partner Love Challenged?". The 3rd paragraph states "If your partner is love challenged, HE has not learned how to sustain love feelings toward an available partner." It's interesting that the psychologist chose the pronoun 'he'. It's interesting because the last two posts have discussed the "love challenged" demeanor of a woman. And it's interesting because the psychologist uses an example at the end of this column that shows a woman who is "love challenged". None of the 'love challenged' are male, so why is the psychologist using 'he' for her hypothetical description?
Probably because her subconscious wants to promote the stereotype of the
sexually restless male, to fuel the angry flames of her predominantly female clientel.

The psychologist consistently teaches people how to exert power over their partner. The psychologist teaches this power by showing clients how to exercise power through the use of words to control the situation. The psychologist arms people with fancy words with that can adopt multiple definitions during the course of a conversation. By arming clients
with words that can be 'misinterpreted' by their partner, the psychologist arms her patients to win the verbal battle. These fancy, non-provable words allow the partner to 'sum up' their relationship situation,
and allows the patients to either restructure the relationship in a way more beneficial to the psychologist-trained partner, or enables the psychologist-trained partner to leave, no matter how much the psychologist has misunderstood the true nature of her patient's relationship.

The psychologist's mental word-play techniques can even be used to relieve the verbal aggressor of any guilty feelings her advice may have created in her patient by acting in such a hurtful, selfish way.
Let's look at the concluding sentence: "The fearful one is turned on (i.e. benefits) because he is always trying to seduce the love of the other."

Wow! Even the victim benefits. Great rationalization.
I wonder if the psychologist asked the victim's partner
if he felt "turned on" now that his verbally-armed partner has become demanding and selfish. Or, is the psychologist just projecting the response onto the victim, putting words into his mouth, in order to alleviate the guilty feelings that will engulf her client from following her advice.
Does the psychologist offer this advice in her "Abandonment-Fear" workshops?
"Hey, isn't it great you're fearful and worried your partner will leave? This fear adds such wonderful sexual tension to your relationship. You're lucky! Be Happy! Don't worry! Your feelings aren't 'fear of abandonment'.
No, your feelings are called 'Conquest Mode', which is just a fancy way of saying 'I want to sleep with my demanding, apathetic partner.' You're so lucky to have such a partner who creates wonderful sexual tension! '"

Susan, while I can understand the point you are making there are other factors that I'm aware of that keep me in the "conquest mode". I've been married twenty three years to the same lady and I honestly have absolutely no fear of her leaving me or my losing her to some other fate, and yet I am constantly either thinking about being intimate with her or actively pursuing that goal. I happen to love sex, it awakens, stimulates and satisfies my every sense and goes beyond. I love giving my wife pleasure through lovemaking and it also gives me a feeling of calm and closeness. We have very different levels or needs for sexual intimacy but speaking for myself and my marriage playing games whether intentional or subconscious does not seem to be necessary. I feel sorry for people who need to pursue their partner out of fear of losing them. What happened to desire, trust? No wonder so many marriages end in divorce, too much of a struggle for power and too little passion!

I agree my ex-wife is a control freak, she needed my to need her and she thought that i din't need her, she was dead wrong. She had an afair, filed for divorce,I discovered the afair and now that we have divorced the other man has departed the scene leaving our family distroyed, all becouse of her lack of self asteam. NOW WHAT.

To cavignaro:

You need to take a good look at YOU. EVERYTHING you say in your letter puts the blame on your wife. "...control Freak....she had an affair...because of her lack of self esteem, etc.." Tsk tsk. Unfortunately, it is often a male trait to always blame the wife for everything. Sigh....

When your wife went out to play, she wasn't loving you anymore. Women in love don't stray. The question you need to ask yourself is why. Had you become cold, distant and unlovable? Were you moody and sullen? Unappreciative? Mean-spirited? You say, "...she thought I didn't need her." And why did she think that? That is the same thing as feeling unloved. Think about it, dude. And then learn from it.

It is rare for a relationship as torn as yours to be repaired. The way you place the blame on her, I suspect that you would never totally forgive, forget, totally erase the affair below the surface where it would lay like dog poop under grass.

The only chance you have is something like a Marriage Encounter weekend/therapy...where you could learn to love her, and show her you love and appreciate her every day of your lives. She may be of the mind that a Leopard never changes its spots, though. It might be too late. YOU blew it.

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Dear Cavignaro,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
It sounds like you did everything you could for your wife. She had other issues outside of your control. It's unfortunate that some women are very selfish, and often behave in ways they don't understand. One of my dear friends recently left her husband and two children to start an affair with someone 8 years younger. Her husband is my friend too, and he did everything he could for her. It's scary, because some of my other friends are restless and bored, and looking for ways to create excitement. I see them blaming their spouse for their own boredom. So, they start affairs. I don't understand why, but i do know my friend's husband is a great guy. She's accountable for her own actions, and she'll live with the consequences.

OK, here's aquestion for you all. Well actually, the women here. What would consider a selfish wife?
Thanks

I believe a selfish wife would be one who would not take a 100% responsibility for her marriage, as well as her husband doing the same. The old saw "Marriage is a 50/50 proposition" doesn't fly with me. My aim is to make my husband totally happy, and he does that for me as well. This is the only way it can work. You have to be best friends, put each other first, and then everything else falls into place. I used to give Marriage Encounter weekends and I am not boasting because the marriage fell apart for various reasons, but we used to tell the couples the best thing a husband can do for his children is to adore his wife, and vice versa. That makes for the absolute best family and puts harmony in the home. I do have to add my little thing here. It doesn't hurt to go to church or synagogue, or have some prayer time during the day. I believe prayer can help us accept things that will be or things that are not meant to be. My husband says that I am the most loving and unselfish person he has ever known, and that is not to say that I am a doormat. He pleases me. I please him. Things like candles, music, negligee...they are all things I know he loves. Why wouldn't I want to do what he likes? If a woman or a man does things that continually upset the other in a relationship, if they can't correct it by seeking help with a therapist, they are spinning their wheels, and as I've said in other posts, kids feel the tension. It's such an unhealthy atmosphere for families. And Rob, if you don't have children yet don't bring them into this world until you have resolved your problems, because children are just an additional pressure. That's all I have to say about that. Hope I answered your question. Ciao for now.

A selfish wife? Would that be the same as a Selfish Person???
A selfish person is self-explanatory. A person who only thinks about what is good for self..what self wants. Keeps the biggest piece of pie for self. Stingy and often greedy.

HOWEVER, sometimes life makes us more selfish. Because when others hurt us, we are told, "Take care of yourself. Think about yourself. Be good to yourself. Stand up for yourself. Think of yourself first. Etc."

If Wifey is being selfish, you might ask yourself why. Maybe it is her nature, but maybe it is a learned defense. SELF-preservation. Simply making SELF happy. Are we not told that we can't make others happy, love others, unless we love ourselves, make ourselves happy first?

Sounds like a ladder disparity: http://ladderwiki.com/wiki/Ladder_Disparity

Thanks Joan. We have three wonderful children. My wife does anything at the drop of a hat for friends but I have to ask mulitple times before it triggers for us. Example, she wants to see Colin James really badly (hinting), so I buy front row off of ebay. She wants to run Boston, so I find the money and a solution on getting her/us there. Then I hurt my back wed night @ soccer and tried to get out of bed the next day. I ended up double on the floor and could not get up. She wouldn't get out of bed to help me until I cried for help. She just sat there in bed. Negligee, what's that? I tried buying those for her and I get : I don't want to wear that, it bothers my skin"....
I guess I'm the door mat...

Jude, I don't know where I would have hurted her other than wanting to be with her... Is making ourselves happy say at the expense of others ok? Should I just do things that I want to do regardless if I think to include her? If this makes me happier, do I do this thinking I'm not working on our relationship but just making me happy? Do I run the risk of projecting I don't care to do things with you, just things for me and have us drift further apart?
Ok, another poll.

How many of you believe that men think sex is just a way to have intercourse and nothing more?

Rob, you can't expect any woman to truly understand what sex and or lovemaking is for men in the way we do. Even amoung men we are all very different, some of us are not lovers and all these men know is an erection, penetration and ejaculation. I've explained the feast of senses lovemaking is for me and I hope my wife. The sensations that take us to another place, not animal like motions but emotions involving passionate kisses, intentional movements with the objective of giving our partner an orgasm or two or three before we orgasm. My wife has had this problem with vulvodynia for several years now and the thinning skin has restricted much of what we used to do during lovemaking. We need to take things very slow and easy not to cause damage to the weakened area, and I am considerate not to hurt her. Sex, or lovemaking should be a pleasurable endeavor. We used to make love for over an hour sometimes and used maybe six of about fourteen different positions during that time to experience slightly different sensations. That's the kind of stuff lovers do, a guy out for sex has no need to prolong intercourse. The quicker it is over for him the better and I'm sure his wife or girlfriend is happy just to get the jerk off of her. Can we as men really imagine what it must be like to be a woman having sex, great sex, bad sex? I've tried to imagine how or what my wife must think and feel but it's a guess, a thoughtful guess at best. If I wanted sex, if that wa my goal, I could cheat. Seriously, even age my age I could probably find a few willing ladies, but that is not my goal. I want to kiss, touch, lick, suck, fondle, hug, smell, hear and be a single living entity with my wife for a little while as often as life allows me. Until I die! Sex is not nearly enough, not even close...

Jude, I loved your post. I'm so sorry about your accident and the cast but it has been a great gift for all of us to read your posts. I HAVE the wonderful lover, the icing on the cake. And as for menopause it worked for me. I had a hysterectomy 15 years ago and apparently look better without all of that estrogen. I love getting the attention when I go out alone, but I always come back to my love. I am in the best part of my life. I have great cleavage and I wear the red lipstick and I feel beautiful. What a great time of my life! My children are happy. I am happy. What more could I ask for? I have a husband who would make love to me every night if I wanted it. How great is that??

Jude, that was a great post. You covered a lot of bases and spoke a lot of truths. I consider myself "The Lover" and even before my wife had problems with Vulvodynia I carried a lot of guilt for always wanting to make love. I agree it must be a real drag for a woman, my wife included no matter how good a lover the man is to be constantly under a state of siege. I have apologized to her many times and have resisted more times than I annoyed. I have dreamed of making love only to wake up feeling guilty for bothering my wife even though I didn't. I've made love three or four times in a day and still thought of when the next time would be. I've written elsewhere on these blogs that nature is cruel at times. I have slowed down and probably could not make love more than two or so times a day even if my wife was willing and healthy, but it is difficult to explain the power of my sex drive. Not the passionate, thoughtful and artful lover but the testosterone fueled insanity that has prevented me from pursuing many other things in my life. I've often wondered how "Man" has accomplished so many amazing things throughout history, because my own sex drive has been a curse. I'm not a sex addict, I've always worked, taken care of my home and helped with the children and cooking. Sex was never everything but it has been a very driving force. I have been sick with various illnesses, in pain from various injuries and still my libido would not allow me to rest in peace. I'm don't think I am so unusual, I just want to make the argument that while I agree women have a lot to deal with, we men don't have it easy either. I would hope that both sexes could learn more, understand more and benefit more from eachother rather than make the same mistakes and cause the same hurt generation after generation. Joan, you are very lucky to have such a loving partner but imagine how heartbreaking it would be if either you or he really wanted that frequent sexual intimacy and it was not physically possible? I'm not saying it would ruin your relationship, but it might lead to a lot of frustration and disappointment. I still maintain that nature is cruel and stupid. Why are men designed to stay fertile and some capable of having sex and fathering children into their eighties and nineties when women go through menopause at a relatively young age? My question really should be, how can marriage succeed for the masses instead of failing poorly as it has if men and women are so mismatched sexually?

LOL @ Bud.....I clicked. You may be right!

Rob, it may not be that you hurt her...life in general can toughen us up to think of self more. Anyway, that theory was just a thought, not an absolute. We don't know your wife..how can we know what her self-centered motives are? Can't tell if it is an action, or a REaction.

To answer your question: From an "I've been around" woman...I tell you this: For very young horny boy/men: YES. For men out to play and put notches in their belts: YES. For men NOT in love: YES. For lazy/tired/don't give a shit men: YES. For men who buy sex and use books/porno and fetishes: YES.

For all of these men the goal is the BIG BANG. And I am sure there are others, just not off the top of my head.

Then you have the men who are unaware/unknowing, or fumblers. They simply don't know how to pleasure a woman. And some don't care to learn as long as they get the BIG BANG. Be the woman wife or girlfriend. They also assume that since THEY are satisfied, she is satisfied. These men often have timid wives who Fake IT, just to get it over with, and keep him happy.

Then there are the "Fear of True Intimacy" men. Lots of husbands in this group. They do NOT recognize this trait in themselves. In fact, cannot even conceive the idea of true intimacy. It is beyond them. Making love is a physical thing/satisfying a need, period. Some of them know what they are doing, and do it very well. Very well, indeed. However, it is still not a meltdown of the heart and souls. The goal is still the Big Bang. Or several Big Bangs if they can still maintain it. These guys are often Performance Proud. IE: Girl, I am really gonna rock your boat! Afterwards they inevitably say, "Was that good for you?" They want praised for their excellence in the sack. They do say, "I love you." It is part of the Good Performance pack....what they know she wants to hear.

And then, thank God, you have the born Lovers. The tender, the gentle, the slow-moving hands. Then the passion and fire, and the ultimate trip down the Yellow Brick Road. They LOVE LOVE LOVE their woman. They use their minds, their hearts, their bodies, and their entire sense of being. Their dicky is almost beside the point...just the icing on the cake. All is fine and good. A RARE bird, is this guy. A woman can fall into his eyes and drown in shared ecstacy.

HOWEVER, the Lovers can be VERY irritating. It seems that they always have loving on their minds...a wife can't give a guy a hug and a kiss without him thinking it is an invitation to romp. Therefore, because she knows that, and she has stuff to do, she withholds ALL affection. Then there is the guy who can't give the wife a simple hug and kiss without grabbing THE parts. Oh God, he is so irritating. NOT NOW, JOHN!

There are a few things guys need to learn...even the best of them. First of all, women are hormonal. Not ALL women are so hormone reactive, but some of them, baby, look out. We run in monthly cycles of which you guys can't even begin to comprehend. Somedays we just feel like crap, irritable, and mean. Everything about you men is irritating. And the dude who approaches is just likely to get his face scratched. Women don't WANT to feel this way...it just happens to some of them. Fortunately it goes away, but sometimes hurt/damage has been done to the poor dick-wielding husband. He takes it personal instead of recognizing it for what it really is.

Then you get to menopause. Some of us sail right through it....and others spend 2-4 years in hormonal hell. Flashing, crying, moody, headachy, depressed. It has nothing to do with you, unless you start making something out of it. On your mark..get set...FIGHT! Goal: Testical Removal.

Also, you guys with wives at or approaching the change... understand this. Wifey has a new absolute realization in her life. She is growing old. Menopause screams it at her. THIS is depressing. The skin starts to change, EVERYTHING starts to change...including the metabolism. Sure, some women adjust to the facts, accept them, and make the best of it. You'll find them making all kinds of positive statements about it trying to reassure themselves the best is yet to be. But others don't. And no matter what the "I'm thrilled with menopause" mouth says, she still mourns her lost beauty, youth, vitality, visual sexuality.

A friend of mine calls it Being Invisible. She says that no matter how much cleavage she shows or red lipstick she wears, she can walk through a pack of 50 construction workers now, and they plain flat don't SEE her. She remembers her glory days of Whistles, Hoots, come-on remarks. Gone. Depressing. Hurtful. Sad. Now, she says they say, "May I help you M'am?" YUCK.

Well, that is your lesson for today. LOL!!! I gotta go to the dr and get the cast on my foot changed to a walking one. That is another thing...little bones break. I was just going down the steps, and my foot snapped. THAT is also why you are seeing so much of me these days. Since I can't walk, may as well play around on the internet. I guess I will be annoying you all for the next 6 weeks.

Now, now, Frankie...there will be no slamming Mother Nature. She doesn't like it, and you'll be sorry. She'll get you for it!! Maybe blow your house down. Just look at the hideous temper fit she threw in Florida today. And I am not trying to be amusing here...I can't even imagine the horror of such a thing happening in the middle of the night. No warning AT ALL, everyone tucked safely in their beds.. BANG and your world is over/gone. And it could happen to any of us.

Back to here....Frankie, nature knows what it is doing..about menopause. Women 50-60-70 have no business having children. They might not live long enough to get them grown. Also it takes strength to carry around and keep up with kids. I am 63, and I couldn't possibly do now what I did years ago. I'd corner it, and cage it.

Yes, we are living longer lifespans, now, but evolution has not adjusted. Not all that long ago, we were lucky to get to 60. Who would have raised our orphans?

Also, whether you would like to say so or not, among all of God's creatures, sex is designed to keep the species reproducing. The fact that it urges and feels good is part of the plan to keep us doing it..to reproduce. It is all really just fundemental.

I would suppose that when humans came to be, long before civilization as we know it, when so many women died in childbirth, and before antibiotics, that the primitive man went around impregnating anything he could get his hands on. Even at an old age. Since, in those days, only the strongest and fittest survived, genetically that would have strengthened the species. Probably still does. Obviously a healthy 90 year old man who can still perform has good genes!

As for you...from reading your posts, and from what you have told us, I think you have spent your life being sexually focused. Like a compulsive hobby. You found out from the getgo that you liked it, and you have been after it ever since. It is what you want to do for fun/fullfillment. You say you are NOT a sex addict, but I think you might be...after all, what is an addict but someone who craves a rush/good feeling all the time???

Maybe you should try withdrawal!!!! LOL LOL

Jude, you're right sex is my drug of choice. I'm writing this minutes after having sex, it was great and I feel so destressed. Talk about survival of the fittest, if it was not for modern medicine I would have died when I was five years old. That thought has bobbed around in my head for years, that my very existence was artifical. I agree with your take on nature and evolution. Well, your cast will be coming off and I'll miss your witty posts while I try to figure out the meaning of life. Regarding Florida, I have been trying to convince my wife to move South for years, I hate the cold and tragedies like this make it that much more impossible. I feel so sorry for all the families who lost loved ones, imagine fourteen people gone just like that?

Hi Joan...thanks for the kind words. And it is nice to hear that you have enjoyed my posts. I have enjoyed writing them and batting things back and forth with all of you. It passes sitting/healing time pleasantly.

It is nice to hear that you are happy in your world. It gives hope to others....the fact that it IS attainable. I can see that you appreciate, and enjoy, every minute of your good life, possibly because you know that at any minute the shit can hit the fan. Like it just did in Florida. Or our good men are yanked out of our arms by heart attacks, etc.

Actually, with the foot, I am making lemonaid out of my lemon. I send others to fetch/do, and everyone is so nice to me. lol I don't have to do anything I "can't" do. Making the best of it. Here, within the compound of Villa Rossi, where I live, there are 11 other people. Husband, children, grandchildren, etc. It is suddenly like I have my own little army of personal helpers!! I've seen more of the young ones since I broke my foot than I'd see them in weeks! They all have their own homes, cottages on the grounds, and busy with their own lives, but suddenly my library has become as popular as a bank on Fridays. What's a little pain to feel all that love?

It did occur to me that they might think I am on the downslide now, and they want to secure their places in my will. Heh heh...boy, WILL they be surprised to find out I left all my worldlies to my German Shepherd, Syko. God bless the child that gets its own. Nah, just kidding.

Okay..gotta go. The brother-in-law arrived this afternoon from New York. This makes spouse very happy. For the next 10 days they will do male bonding stuff. Both are VERY quick and witty, slick and street smart. Good fun. Bye for now.

Nah, nah, Frankie..not to worry. You won't be getting rid of me that easy! Got the cast changed to a walking cast, but I can't walk on it yet without yelping. I'll still be doing a lot of sitting for a few weeks. And then, who knows, maybe I'll just come here because I like it here.

Joan...do you take anything for bones? Or do you know anyone who does? That Fosomax, etc? Since I am the oldest woman I know, I don't know anyone who has had old bones.!!!! I hear I am Classic for osteoporosis. Small boned, 5'4, thin 115 lbs, and my Momma got it. Now I broke a bone.!!! Just walking down stairs. I had the bone density test...not good. I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!! I want to hear a success story on those pills!! I gotta find out which kind REALLY work!!

I mean how am I going to keep landing on my feet if I can't stand up straight??? Am I finally going to be done in by OLD BONES, of all things???????????? I can't just go off to my plastic surgeon and get my BONES lifted!!!

Plus, you know, I have a ToyBoy husband. He is 12 years younger than me. On the outside I have been blessed with good genes, but inside I am starting to crumble!! WHO will dance with him when I am finally hunched over a cane???? I take calcium, Vitd, etc. Apparently THAT isn't working! I am also on hormones for that very reason.

Arrrggh...I feel so RICKETY tonight. Maybe this would inspire a song..maybe I should go to the piano and write a song about Old Bones. Good title, anyway. Probably have to be a country type song, eh? "There wasn't a horse she couldn't ride;
There wasn't a sin she couldn't hide.
There wasn't a man who could keep her down,
Until OLD BONES rode into town.

He sucked on her marrow in the still of night,
He snarled,"She's tough,,she'll be a good fight.
I'm the meanest old bastard she ever will meet;
I'll clip her wings by breaking her feet."
Chorus,,lol
OLD BONES, OLD BONES, he rode into town,
OLD BONES, OLD BONES, he got me down.
My wings are clipped; I'm a broken bird,
I hate you,OLD BONES, you're a stinkin' ol'turd.

...and so on and so forth. Well, okay so it ain't purty. At least, it rhymes. ROFL.

Jude, I don't take Fosamax or any of the others. My friend does, but she has osteoporosis and has to. It gives her reflux. I take two tums a day for calcium and also calcium with vitamin D. I had a bone density a few months back and my bones actually have gotten better than last year. I don't know if it's the exercise or the calcium supplements, but heck, I'll take it.

I liked that song Old Bones. You should put it to music ;-) Actually, I shattered my ankle over ten years ago and what a terrible thing to have happen. My son said I drove everyone crazy because I couldn't stand not being able to drive, so I kept bugging everyone to take me bye bye like a kid. I would have to bump down the stairs with a full leg cast on, and I even vacuumed with my walker. It was not a pretty sight. I have a plate and pins in there and there is no cartilage left. I am starting to limp from the pain. I hate it when that happens. I was told five years ago to get a replacement, and I just haven't been able to muster up the courage to do it. That's one thing about elective surgery...you just haven't time for the pain. I remember my friend took me out to the mall and got one of those free wheelchairs and she pushed me through the store, knocking over huge racks of handbags. When I said I had to go to the bathroom she tried to talk me out of it. We still laugh about that day. Well, yeah, it's funny now, but back then it was hell. So Jude, what did you break?

Hi joanie-tonie-bonie-maronie.. lol (I gotta girl named Joanie Maronie...remember that one??) Or was it Boney Maroney? Never mind.

OUCH...your ankle story sounds dreadful. How in the heck did you do THAT? Trying to fly off roofs? Break dancing???

Mine not NEARLY that severe. A snapped metatarsal in the arch of my foot. Broke right in half.

Well, I've quit whining about it now. It will be okay. I'll get some of that Fosamax or something. Maybe that one Sally Fields is pushing on tv. Once a month thingy.

Thanks for the input. At least I know I am not alone in old bones hell.

Glad you liked my little wacky song. That was self-therapy. Turning a misery into the ridiculous. I do that a lot. I wrote it in the dark of night when everything seems bleakest.

Have you noticed that you, Frankie, and I are the only ones in here lately??? I guess I scared off that cyrano and rob. Sigh...some folks just don't like to hear the truth. Well, I don't "do" coddling very well.

Syko (my big beautiful boy..(German Shepherd police dog)) is insisting I go look out back for some reason. He probably tree'd the cat or something, and wants me to see what a clever dog he is. Do you have a doggy? Frankie, do you?

Yes Jude, I have a Bichon named Max who looks like a large Maltese. He is ten pounds love but puts on a tough guy act when there's a noise outside. I worked outside for many years and had many run ins with large dogs and their owners in the South Bronx, so I prefer little dogs. I tell people Max got me for protection. He is so cute and loves to sit on my lap which can be annoying at times. He is like a small child who will never grow up. He doesn't eat much or poop much and I don't strain my bad back if I take him for a walk. Jude, I don't know how active you normally are, but I believe resistance training such as weight lifting can help to strengthen bones in addition to adding muscle mass. Trust me, you won't become muscle bound but you might prevent some future injury. The meds you mentioned can help but some have side effects, and I think our bodies respond to the demand we place upon them. I lift moderately heavy weights because I like the look of a muscular physique but it is not natural by any means. The only reason my arms and chest are bigger or more muscular now is the demand of a regular routine of weight training. The real benefit is that my bones are more dense to handle to heavy load placed upon them. Run the idea past you Dr. unless you are already into this kind of thing.

Max sounds like a right fine doggy. I, too, ALWAYS preferred small dogs. And I have a small dog, too. Two, in fact. It was quite clever of him to adopt you to protect him. lol...that was funny.

We got Syko (named him Syko (play on Psycho) because WHO would dare to take on a GSD named Syko?) because one day, while I was home alone, right here in the house, the house was robbed. They went up a terrace staircase through the back...entered the bedrooms and helped themselves. Might have killed me had I caught or happened upon them. Of course, at night the system is on, and the gates are closed, but we needed a guard dog. It just isn't feasible to have the place in a constant state of lock-down. Also, there are 13 entrances into the main house..who can watch all them?? Syko!!

Lots of workers come and go here all day...maintenence and grounds keepers, etc. He knows exactly who is friend, or foe. He is "introduced" to any new ones.

He is a kind dog, though. Happy of temperment, and has never been snappy or bitten anyone. Has never had to do so. His presense is intimidating..they go elsewhere. He also is all over the property. He patrols. He is playful, great with children, but he won't allow them to go into the deep end of the pool, or off the board. He wasn't trained to do that, he just does it. He will actually jump in and PUSH them to the shallow end. It CAN be very annoying, and he has to be called down sometimes.

Also, there were some threats from the daughters' exes...trash talk, you now. So, we got Syko. He was bred for police and military work. We bought him from the base on Oahu, spent a fortune on his training, but baby, I FEEL safe. He knows if a mouse runs thru this house. He guards us while we are sleeping...and whoa to anyone who thinks they might be up to no good. Of course we have to have signs all over the gates, etc to warn folks, but that's okay. I LIKE the signs.

Syko even has his own van. lol License plate, "FANGS." GSD decals on it. He's never had a DUI. !!!!

I have always had dogs, my whole life. I can't imagine life without their presense at my feet.

The only thing is..when I get to Heaven, I wanna have a discussion with God..I wanna know why an ol' parrot or turtle will live for 50 years, and wonderful dogs are lucky to get in 12.

I suspect He is going to say it is because of their devotion. Like Greyfrier's Bobby who laid on his master's grave for years and years. True story. He wanted to make sure they didn't all outlive their masters and grieve.

Jude, dogs like "Syko" serve a purpose and fill a necessary void. From your property description I take it you are well to do and live on an estate. Wealthy people are big targets for criminals and it is foolish not to take advantage of whatever security or personal protections you can. I said it before " we live with an illusion of security", that is most people feel safe when they are at risk. You have at least been proactive and understand the very real possibility of danger life presents. Forewarned and forearmed is the kind of thinking that prolongs life. Good for you and I hope Syko lives a long helthy life and never has to fulfill his potential. I live in CT the northeast and Max is an inside dog. I am an inside guy(hate the cold), he alerts me to things outside that I can't hear or sense and I investigate. Most times it's the wind, a neighbor or animal such as a deer, but I'm always reading to pounce if necessary. Max was lucky I was already attack trained.