Adult Day Care--The Eldercare Answer!

The Balance of Love - Being a Caregiver

When Mom passed away Dad made his home with my sister. A few times a year she would take vacation to rest and recharge her batteries. When that occurred Dad would come and stay with us.

Moving him to our home for those particular weeks was not an easy task. There were his dozen or so prescriptions, his week’s supply of undergarments, many changes of clothing and several pages of legal documents and instructions.

Dad was on a restrictive diet which meant grocery shopping for items we didn’t normally eat and preparing them so his now ‘delicate’ digestive system would not go into shock. And believe me, if his diet wasn’t strictly adhered to our entire home would be in shock!

Our mornings typically began at 5 a.m. so that Dad could read his morning devotional guide, take his pills, and enjoy his breakfast which consisted of soy milk, rice cereal, juice and coffee. While he ate I buzzed around getting ready for work, running from upstairs to the first floor dining room to make sure he was OK. By 6:45 we were out the door following two trips to the restroom which is also on the second floor. Things at this point often got rushed getting him slowly to and into the car and delivering him safely to an adult day care center. With a hug, “Have a nice day. I love you. See you around 5:30 tonight,” I continued on to work which was an hour away in order to arrive at the office by 8 a.m.

Please understand, I’m not complaining. It was what it was. My dad had cared for us and now we were honored and humbled to return the love. Although Dad was diagnosised with Shay Dragger’s disease (a disease that mirrors many of the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease) he could be quite independent and always the character. Dad had a great sense of humor and was abundantly grateful for the smallest acts his family would perform on his behalf.

If it were not for the adult day care center Dad attended five days a week, my sister would have had to quit her job. And I would have had to take vacation or personal time on those occasions he stayed with us in order to tend to his needs.
The adult day care center had a nurse on staff and offered him a variety of cognitive and physical stimuli. The social contact with his peers kept Dad engaged. He loved going and visiting with his friends.

The adult day care center offered my sister and me services like on site physical therapies, podiatry services, beauty/barber services and bathing and provided him snacks and noon meals that were nutritious and which met his special dietary needs.

But even more than that, the staff provided my dad with a friendly, safe environment that he looked forward to each and every day. Dad was greeted with a hug and a smile. He would return home tired but it was a good tired. He was so excited to share the events of HIS day. How cool is that!

When we hear the word “caregiver” what images come to our mind? A husband who has suffered a stroke; a wife with Parkinson’s disease; a mother-in-law with cancer; a grandfather with Alzheimer’s disease; a son with traumatic brain injury from a car accident; a child with muscular dystrophy; a friend with AIDS.

Currently in the United States nearly one out of every four households, 22.4 million households are involved in caregiving to persons aged 50 or over. By the year 2007, the number of caregiving households in the United States for person’s aged 50+ could reach 39 million.

The impact of caring for a loved one takes on an entirely new life when we look at the “working caregiver.” 25% of all workers are currently providing some type of elder care. Among working people who are caring for a loved one or friend aged 65+, two-thirds report having to rearrange their work schedule, decrease their hours or take unpaid leave in order to meet their care giving responsibilities. Working Caregivers deal with the day to day stress of taking care of a loved one and deal with their employer who is not happy that once again the workday schedule has been disrupted.

Caregiving is an emotional journey of mountaintops and valleys. Our mountain tops are found in the knowledge that in caring for our loved ones we are given the awesome opportunity to demonstrate our love and commitment. Our valleys are found in exhaustion, inadequate or complete lack of knowledge in regard to available resources, and continuous care which can lead to burnout, stress and depression.

As we were growing up my parents taught us that we could do anything! Well let me tell you that if we discovered nothing else in our caregiving journey it was that we really could do this…but not by ourselves. It literally took a team of doctors, social workers, adult day, extended family and friends and the list goes on and on.

Dad died some 15 months after Mom. They had been married for over 57 years and he said, “I love you all…you have been so good to me…but I want to go home. I miss your mom.” With broken hearts and the devastating realization that after years of Dad needing us to care for him, he was in complete control in regard to this decision. So with words like “You are the best dad anyone could have ever have,” and “We love you” in merely one week Dad fulfilled his wish.

To this day we continue to miss our parents but are so grateful for the time we got to give back to them and the knowledge we have gained in being a caregiver.

If you are a caregiver, you do not have to “go it alone.” Just the fact that you are visiting Jacqueline Marcell‘s ‘Coping With Caregiving’ website is healthy proof that you are seeking companions to accompany and assist you on your journey. There are people, resources and information available. It is as simple as doing a word search on Google or Yahoo “Caregiving”, “Elder Services”, “Caring for a parent/spouse” and the like. Look in your phone book and call your local adult day care center or senior center. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging (usually found under Social Services).

Remember caregivers, if you truly believe that you want the best for your loved one or friend, you must also believe that your needs are just as important. If you try to “go it alone” and your health suffers who will be there to take your place? Self denial of your needs could kill you…blunt but true. Caregivers must balance their needs in order to fulfill the needs of those they are caring for.

The balance of love and being a caregiver is a wonderful journey. My family does not regret one moment of the time we spent nor the sacrifices we made. We developed an awesome respect for those who are companions on our journey and those who supported our desire to be the best caregivers possible.

Written by Tom Begert-Clark. Tom is the President of Even As We Speak® providing services as a motivational speaker, trainer, humorist and consultant. Specializing in communications and caregiver issues He has been an active participant in the lives of seniors and their families for over 25 years. You can visit Tom at his website: www.evenaswespeakonline.com.