joke

The day after the big test, little Johnny approached his teacher. "I've very worried about you," he told her. "Why that's very sweet, Johnny," she replied. "But I think you really should be worrying about your grades. You got an 'F' on the last test." "I know," Johnny said. "That's why I'm worried about you." The teacher looked Read more...

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness, or a death in the student"s immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the class waved Read more...

The BEER PRAYER... Our Lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For Thine is the beer, Read more...

Bob is walking down the street when he spots an old friend, Ray, whom he hasn't seen in ages. "I'm doing great now" says Ray. "I just got this new hearing aid and it's fantastic. The sound is so clear, even in noisy places like restaurants. It's made a world of difference." "Is that so?" responds Bob. "What kind is it?" Ray looks at his Read more...

Gaston & Pierre were close friends all their lives. One day Gaston announced that he was going to marry, and of course Pierre would be best man. Anyone from Louisiana knows that a Cajun wedding usually takes place early on a Saturday morning then every one goes to a lavish reception that usually lasts till Sunday night -- lots of music and plenty of booze! On Sunday morning Gaston Read more...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking. "Last night we went out to a new restaurant ," said one of the men. "It was really great. I would recommend it very highly." "What is the name of the restaurant?" the second man asked. The first Read more...

After being married for 30 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 30 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000 house, $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 55-year-old woman. It Read more...

Rich is trying to sell a computerized crystal ball he's recently invented to a marketing executive, but the executive is very skeptical. Rich says, "Go ahead and type a question into the crystal ball." The executive types, "Where is my father?" The crystal ball answers, "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The executive says to Rich, "I Read more...

A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly Read more...

A man and his wife are doing yard work. The husband says to the wife, "Your rear end is as wide as the grill." She ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed, he measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the Read more...