Good Sex Takes Two

Question: My partner has difficulty reaching orgasm and feels that my lack of vaginal tightness has a lot to do with it. Is there anything I can do to help this? I have tried Kegels.

Answer: We all want to please our partner, but let's take a step back here. While I think strengthening your vaginal muscles through Kegel exercises is fine, it is an unfortunate reality that in our society, men often blame women for any sexual difficulties they may be having. And all too often, women are also quick to blame themselves.

As men age, it takes them longer to become aroused and reach orgasm. This is a normal part of the aging process, but most men don't realize this. Instead, they assume something must be wrong with their partner.

There are also a number of medical conditions and prescription drugs that can delay orgasm. Is your husband on any anti-depressants or heart medications? These are particularly notorious for having negative sexual side effects.

Instead of trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, why not experiment with what the two of you can do to please each other? Perhaps more foreplay, oral sex or mutual masturbation would help. In the final analysis, sex -- or good sex, at least -- is never about any one technique. It is about two people learning how to really pleasure each other.

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