Q&A: Is Using Sex Toys "Normal"?

QUESTION: I want to try sex toys, but my wife doesn't know if this is considered normal behavior. How many couples use sex toys?

ANSWER: You can assure your wife she's not a freak. Using sex toys is considered "normal behavior," though, personally, I don't like using that expression because it's so subjective and judgmental. Here's the general rule of thumb: If you and your wife are comfortable with a behavior and you're not hurting yourself or others, it's usually OK.

You might want to discuss with your wife what her real objections are. Is she just not interested? Because that's OK, too. On the other hand, if she's curious, but doesn't want to be seen as a "freak," then it might help her to know some statistics.

Some of these data are a little hard to come by, but in the handful of studies done, it was found that more than half of all people who have ever used a sex toy were first introduced to it by a partner, or bought it themselves for use with a partner. In fact, it appears that a substantial percentage of the population has at least tried some form of sex toy, and many continue to use toys alone or with a partner.

I should mention that in these studies, the definition of a sex toy was fairly broad. In fact, it's possible that what your wife is thinking you are in interested in is far more extreme than what you imagined. Perhaps it might make sense to start with massage oil or lubricant, or maybe a furry glove, before moving on to anything else. The point is for both of you to have fun!

P. Sándor Gardos is the staff sexologist at MyPleasure, which is dedicated to improving people's lives by providing them access to the best toys and sexual enhancement products available.