Orally Challenged?

Dear Suzie,

I was taught that the giving and receiving of oral sex is wrong and my husband has asked me for years why I don't want to try this. Am I missing something enjoyable? --R.

Dear R.,

Tantra teaches us that personal growth is possible when we risk our beliefs and try something new. I applaud you for even asking the question. You're being courageous!

Many of the things we learn as children and adolescents come from the wisdom and experience of our elders and are meant to do us good. Yet, in general, Western cultures have much healing to do around the issues of pleasure and sexuality.

Pleasure is your birthright. Want proof? Take the clitoris. It's there only for pleasure and has no other purpose. But, during intercourse, it isn't stimulated much on most women and it needs direct attention. There isn't anything more wonderful than a partner who's willing to give you that attention.

Try to receive this gift. This will be a difficult task, but I'm sure that you'll love the outcome! You are indeed missing something wonderful and not nasty at all!

The next step? I encourage you to consider honoring and surprising your husband by giving him oral sex. There are many books and videos that are in very good taste that can teach you some basics. Many women love giving oral sex and I encourage you to find out if you're one of them!

Make the experience special by setting aside a long evening, lighting candles and putting on some great music. Have a little fruit and chocolate by the bed, for feeding each other. You may even want to have a tiny bowl of room-temperature hot fudge to put on your husband. That could help you get started and really add spice to the experience.

Tease him and make him last. Don't let him go over the top too soon. Here, you're in control -- enjoy it while you've got it! Be playful and vulnerable. Let your partner know how you're feeling, and, above all, have fun!

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Learn about Kama Sutra, Tantra and other sexual disciplines from Suzie Heumann, president at Tantra.com.