Hip Rabbi Says We Need to Mate

Dazed and confused by old-fashioned amore? The hip rabbi Shmuley Boteach, loved by stars like Michael Jackson, offers guidance to struggling singles with his new book, Why Can't I Fall in Love?

In this latest work, Boteach disputes the overwhelming popular belief that independence, career and casual dating come before finding and staying in love. The author of the best-seller sensation Kosher Sex goes as far as claiming that singles should embrace the concept of "needing" a man or woman to complete their lives.

That's right, "need" -- a word previously eliminated from singles' vocabularies across the country.

While some may believe this rabbi has fallen off his beema (Hebrew word for synagogue stage), his concepts are hitting home for many who are scared to commit to a relationship and let love take its course.

For example, Boteach's 40-year-old friend Henry, a handsome, wealthy real-estate mogul, "dates so many beautiful women they practically have to take a number to get a night out with him." But Henry has yet to be bitten by the love bug.

What's the problem here?

Boteach attributes a loveless singles society to our shallowness, boredom and media stimulus overload, which prevent us from concentrating on any one thing or person. He also believes that men and women have declared too much independence from each other.

Content couplings are also prevented, says Boteach, by our insistence upon finding the very best relationship. He explains, "Do you have the best job you could possible have? We have forgotten that good -- not better, not best -- can be wonderful."

But what's wrong with Henry and other singles shopping around until they find the "right" one? Boteach claims that "this kind of smart-shopping dating can make us so self-conscious, so coldly calculating, that it robs us of the spontaneity that makes for romance."

"In short, we have lost touch with the essential qualities Adam and Eve learned in the Garden: comfort with our own nakedness, a respect for innocence, an appreciation of the pain that comes from loneliness, a sense of wonder, compatibility, selflessness, respect for the differences between the sexes, and an understanding that closeness comes from shared experience."

Boteach also addresses the increased divorce rate (now over 60 percent) and the fact that our society cannot seem to stay in love. To that end, Why Can't I Fall in Love? proposes a system for keeping love alive through romance, attraction, communication, inquisitiveness, eroticism and respect.

The rabbi declares, "Soul mates are made, not born. They grow together, learning from one another, thriving on each other's energy and spirit, and reveling in the differences that make each one irresistible." Can you say "amen" to that?