Does My Husband Really Need Drugs to Have Sex?

Question: My husband went to his doctor and found out that his testosterone is low and that he has a vas leakage. He has tried herbs, which promise the moon. He has also tried Viagra, which definitely works. However, he does not want to have to depend on it all of his life. What can we do?

Answer: Yes, all the herbal companies promise the world and rarely deliver. You know, there is nothing fundamentally different between "herbal" and "prescription" except that drug companies can't patent herbal preparations. Just because something is "natural" does not mean it is safe or is not habit-forming. Remember: Hemlock is all natural, yet completely deadly.

The fact that your partner has been diagnosed with both low-testosterone and vas leakage tells me that he is probably way past the point of mild-herbal preparations. He is actually lucky that Viagra works for him. With venous leakage, not even Viagra is guaranteed to work. He really needs to speak with his doctor to find the best solution.

I understand that he does not want to become "dependent," but we are dependent on so many things in this life: water, food, oxygen, etc. I know that taking a pill is not the same thing, but Viagra is a very safe drug and men do not appear to develop tolerance to it. If he needs to take it for the rest of his life, it is not the worst thing in the world. If he had heart disease and had to take medication for it, would he feel the same way? Why is becoming dependent on an herbal drug any better?

I think a lot of these attitudes come from our belief that sex should be a "natural act." You know what? Sex -- at least in our definition of it -- is not a natural act. We have sex for recreational purposes all the time. We do things that have nothing to do with "nature."

If Viagra works for him, that is wonderful. If you can't convince him that is OK, then at the very least you can teach him how much pleasure he can give and receive with or without an erect penis.