Are You Giving More Than You're Getting in Your Relationship?

You'd think being caring and giving in a relationship would be a good and desirable trait. If you gave to and cared about your partner, you'd be appreciated for it, wouldn't you? Of course. Unless , however, you give too much.

Unfortunately, giving too much or caring too much in a relationship can make your partner appreciate you less and not more. This happens especially in the beginning of a relationship. The more you care and give, the more your partner is likely to think you need him or her more than he or she needs you, which may cause them to have less respect for you and think you're a doormat who'll do anything to please. Sadly, those who care and give too much are often the ones left behind in a relationship, wondering what went wrong.

I'm not saying that giving and caring in a relationship is a bad thing. But if you go overboard, you likely feel taken for granted and not given the same support in return.

So how do you know if you're giving and caring too much? Take this assessment and find out. Just choose the statements taht best describe you.

1. Your significant other is struggling financially. You:
a. Ask him or her to move in with you
b. Give him or her money [1] to help
c. Loan him or her money [1] with an agreed-upon payment date
d. Offer lots of emotional and moral support

2. You bring presents/flowers/cards for your significant other on the following occasions:
a. Every time you see him or her
b. Most times you see him or her
c. On every special occasion, including made-up special occasions
d. For major holidays, plus a few other special times

3. Your partner is feeling overwhelmed with life, responsibilities, and work [1]. You support him or her by:
a. Moving in and attempting to carry most of the load
b. Cleaning his or her house, cooking for his or her family, or taking on other household responsibilities
c. Agreeing to take on some responsibilities for a short period of time while another plan is being formulated
d. Helping him or her figure out how to restructure life, work [1], and family so that the load is lessened

4. Your significant other has just forgotten an important occasion or has done something inconsiderate. You deal with this by:
a. Saying absolutely nothing, since you don't want to hurt his or her feelings
b. Bringing up the incident only as ammunition during a fight, since you would rather not chance hurting his or her feelings
c. Bringing up the incident and sharing how it made you feel
d. Bringing up the incident and talking about why it turned out this way

5. You care about your significant other and want to make sure the two of you have enough time together. You try to arrange your schedule so that you:
a. Can spend every available moment with him or her
b. Can spend every night together with him or her
c. Can spend a few weekday nights and the weekend together
d. Can spend a mutually agreed-upon amount of time together

What this assessment reveals about you:

If you primarily picked "As": You give and care much too much. Back off emotionally or you may find yourself alone time and again, and learn to channel all that wonderful giving energy into volunteer work [1].

If you primarily picked "Bs": If you're in a dating [2] relationship, you're caring and giving too much. Find another outlet, one that's either creative- or service-oriented. However, if you're married or in a very long-term relationship, your level of giving and caring is right on target.

If you primarily picked "Cs": You're in the average/healthy level of caring and giving range. To drastically improve your relationship, try improving your communication.

If you primarily picked "Ds": Congratulations. You seem to be in a very healthy, thriving relationship, where the two of you can communicate your needs and wants.

What do you do if you care or give too much in your relationship? Find an outlet for your wonderful caring energy. A relationship can be an outlet for some of that energy, but not for all of it. This means the more caring energy you have, the more outlets you need to have outside of your relationship.

You may want to consider getting involved in charity or volunteer work [1] because when you give to people in need, not only do you siphon some of your need to give, but you also make a difference. This will make you feel good and help you serve others -- without damaging your intimate relationship.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships [3].