ThirdAge Jokes: Beware Those Helpful Hints

My cousin just sent me some helpful hints:

1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair.
2. Pam cooking spray will dry fingernail polish.
3. Paint Elmer's Glue on your face, allow it to dry, peel it off and see the dead skin and blackheads.
4. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!

This was my response to her:

"Hi Cuz, I just tried a few of your helpful hints but some strange things happened. I put Budweiser on my hair, then Pam cooking spray on my fingernails. Next I put Elmer's glue on my face and sugar on the burn on my tongue.

"Well, while driving my daughter to school, the Pam spray made the steering wheel slippery and the Elmer's glue made the bugs stick to my face. I ended up driving into the wall of the school. When the police came they asked me what happened. Since I had sugar on my tongue, this is what they heard: 'Eye waz twying sum nu hintz to mate me loook bedder.'

"Needless to say, they arrested me for drunk driving because they smelled the Budweiser in my hair and they said I was incoherent. Hey Cuz ... any helpful hints for making jailhouse bread and water taste better? Signed: Prisoner #624789"

Submitted by KATSLATS in the "Share a Joke" discussion.

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