How to Balance Your Relationship

It's the end of the workday in couple-land. Mr. Man has been laboring all day in a stressful workplace and comes home to his haven, looking forward to relaxing.

His partner has also given her all at the office, but instead of coming home to forget the problems of her day, she just sees more on the horizon. After all, the cooking, cleaning and nurturing won't get done on its own, will it?

How in the world do busy couples support each other in doing it all without one or both partners feeling that they are giving too much or too little?

Men are wired to give their all at work, then come home and receive. Their programming assures that his job is done when he walks in the door.

Women, on the other hand, are built to give and receive at the same time. They may come home exhausted, but instead of relaxing, continue to give. A woman's programming pushes her to do more.

The typical woman feels responsible for taking care of everything in the home while balancing her roles as career woman, mother and homemaker. Men also feel that these are her responsibilities. She may resent that her partner doesn't offer to help out more around the house, but that anger will usually only buy more resentment from him.

Women should sometimes take a rest from giving so much in their relationships. They need to pamper themselves and allow their partners to take care of them more, to avoid burning out from over-giving. A woman must also take responsibility for giving too much and not asking for her partner's support. Unless she takes this responsibility, she will not be allowing her partner to be supportive.

Men feel that by working harder and making more money, they are giving their best. Women then feel that they are stuck with all the work around the home and with raising the children. Women want men to devote more time and energy to them. Once men realize that women want them -- and not necessarily a bigger paycheck -- they can balance their time better.

The way a man gives too much in a relationship is by overworking, as it can lead to him being exhausted when he comes home and ignoring his wife. He may just feel that he has nothing left to give. A man will naively think that he is doing his best by working hard to provide a better life for his family. This will lead to resentment from the woman. She may feel hurt or abandoned.

Men need to be appreciated. It is up to their partners to give them lots of support and encouragement in making a change to give more time and attention to her and the family. It is good for women to be persistent in asking men to do little things that make a difference and then giving lots of appreciation when men does it. Gradually, a man will start to feel how wonderful it is to do little things for his partner. In this way, a woman has the ability to heal a man of his addiction to success by appreciating the little things he does and making him feel loved and admired.

Sometimes a man has to give without expecting a lot of appreciation in return. When a woman is feeling especially resentful from too much giving and needs a rest, he has to understand that she needs to receive for a while before she is able to give again. He also has to take responsibility for his part in her resentment. And, as he continues to give while she takes a rest, balance can be restored in the relationship.

A man rarely intends to take more and give less, yet men are notorious for giving less in relationships. Women complain that their male partners start out more loving and then gradually become passive. Men also feel unfairly treated, wondering why in the beginning of a relationship a woman is appreciative and loving, yet then becomes resentful and demanding over time.

Balance will be restored in a relationship when both partners start to recognize that men and women have different needs when it comes to giving and receiving. Learning to communicate better is key: Men need to look for cues telling them when and how to give more. And women simply need to ask for support without the expectation that men will instinctively know what their partners need.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004). For help with your relationship today, visit Love Advice From AskMarsVenus.com.