Go Slowly the Second Time Around

Picking up where a former relationship left off can be a dream come true. Or risky business.

"People get so romantic about a first love," says Everett Worthington, professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University. "The hormones get cranked up, and there are all those positive associations."

That's not to say you should never resume a previous relationship. Just proceed with caution.

While original associations play into a "new-old" relationship, they also can be deceptive. Circumstances might have changed, and it's smart to guard against making assumptions that might turn out to be wrong.

"You're not starting out from scratch," says Worthington, "so it's a situation designed to foster attractiveness more than, say, meeting a person in a club."

On the other hand, he says, some people might know each other well enough to bypass the usual games.

But don't take for granted that because you knew each other before, a renewed relationship will be easier or better.

Worthington also cautions against the "contrast effect," where any in-between relationships might have ended badly.

"People have a familiarity with this person who has come back into
their life. They think, 'I've had a bad relationship, and here's a good
relationship I've had. Perhaps I can trust this person.'"

It's different for people who have had mature relationships or
who have lost a partner to death, says Worthington. They might not be
so prone to jump into something new.

Still, he adds, it's natural to be curious about previous
sweethearts. "You wonder. You invested a lot early on and it didn't
work out for one reason or another.

"Any open question really gets our attention. We don't like a lack of closure and wonder what this person would be like."

The bottom line, as with any relationship? Look before you love.

Source: Richmond Times-Dispatch. Powered by YellowBrix.