Friends and Lovers: How They Mix

Whether you realize it or not, your friendships can be an invaluable resource for your intimate partnership. You simply need to know whom to befriend and what to do in the friendship to help your romantic relationship.

And men, listen up! If you think this is good advice for women only, you're mistaken. Your own buddies also have the potential to help your romantic life.

Choose Your Friends
You can be friends with anyone you like, but if you want a good intimate relationship, be friends with people who are also in good intimate relationships.

It is said we are only as smart as the people we surround ourselves with. To be smart about relationships, surround yourself with people who have the kind of a relationship you want. If that isn't possible, at least be friends with people who have the same views on relationships.

Again, you can be friends with anyone you like, even people who are down on relationships and love. However, don't spend a lot of time talking with these people about intimate relationships; a negative view will do nothing to improve your love life. These friends may think they are giving you a dose of reality, but mostly it is simply a dose of anger and negativity.

A note of caution: Don't be fooled by self-proclaimed success. Decide for yourself if your friend's relationship is worth emulating or not.

Getting Your Friends to Help Your Love Life
Here are 10 ways your good friends can assist your relationship:

1. Copying/emulating: This one is easy. If your buddy has a good relationship, simply imitate what he or she does in your own relationship. Yours is bound to improve, too.

2. Interviewing: Ask -- and keep asking -- your friend what is working in his or her relationship. If you feel comfortable, ask for details and any tips or pointers that may help.

3. Religion/spirituality: Do you and your friend attend the same church or follow the same or similar spiritual tradition? Spirituality or religion often make intimate relationships better, because they teach forgiveness and acceptance -- two essential relationship behaviors. If you have a buddy with whom to learn and practice these teachings, so much the better.

4. Having fun: Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is to play and have fun away from your intimate partner. This is especially true if the two of you have recently been embroiled in fights. Buddies are excellent for helping you plan a brief getaway.

5. Brainstorming: This one may be a bit awkward, but is well worth the extra effort. If you are having a relationship problem and your buddy either has a good relationship or knows something about relationships, ask him or her to brainstorm a solution with you. Two heads are always better than one, especially if at least one of the heads knows what it's talking about.

6. Advice: This one is a bit harder yet. Ask your friend for advice on a specific relationship problem -- or about your relationship in general. Remember, asking for advice does not make you any less competent. Your friend is bound to know something you don't know -- something to enhance your relationship in some way.

7. Venting: Are you angry with your relationship partner? Instead of stuffing your anger and hiding out until it subsides -- or, alternatively, dumping the anger on your partner -- talk to your friends about it. They may commiserate with you, which will help you feel good. They may also give you a new perspective on the situation.

8. Support: OK, we know ladies get support from their friends, but what about guys? Men can get support, too, though they may not describe it as such. So what is support? It's basically anything that makes you feel better off after the interaction than before. Support is what we need the most when our relationships are not going well and we have a heavy heart or mind.

9. Getting your needs met: There are plenty of needs that we can get met in a friendship that will make it easier to bear relationship difficulties: the need to be positively thought of, the need to matter, the need to belong, the need to be cared for, etc. Men can get these needs met in their friendships as easily -- if not more so -- than women.

10. Love and all that good stuff: Do your friends love you, do they miss you, and do they think about you? If they are solid, long-term, good friends, of course they do. In difficult times, lonely times, in times when you have relationship work to do, knowing that you are loved and that you matter to someone can be a great boost to the ego.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.