Stage One: Shattering

Stage Six: Finding Love Again

Now that you've journeyed through the steps of heartbreak, here are some pointers for overcoming your barriers to love and intimacy and finding love again.

1. Be willing to change your values. You may have been choosing people on the basis of attraction, status or other false values stemming all the way back to junior high school. Consider finding new attributes attractive: a person's ability to be emotionally open, to admit to their vulnerabilities, to be fully present.

Stage Five: Lifting

"Lifting" is when you rise back into life and get ready to love again. The external changes you've been making in your hairstyle, car, clothes
and weight signal to the world that you're making even more significant changes on the inside. During lifting, these changes pay off. To promote the new you:

1. Step outside of your life. Discover new interests, capabilities and aspects of your personality beyond your usual circle of friends and activities.

Stage Four: Rage

Rage heralds the beginning of recovery. This fourth stage is when you begin to reverse the rejection, take back your power and take on the challenges of the outside world.

1. Rage doesn't mean you have to get revenge against your ex. Remember, the best revenge is success.

2. Watch your moves. Anger spurts out of control during this turbulent time. As agitated and impatient as you feel, be careful not to take your rage out on innocent bystanders (including friends who, in their own imperfect way, are only trying to help).

Stage Three: Internalizing

During the "internalizing" phase, you believe you deserve or have caused the "bad" things that happened to you, and blame yourself for the breakup. This causes you to question your self-worth and devalue yourself as a man or woman. During this critical third stage is when your wound can become infected and permanent scarring can set in. Follow these steps to avoid the effects of internalizing:

1. Stop turning the rage against yourself. Beating yourself up only injures your self-esteem. Fight self-doubt with all your might.

Stage Two: Withdrawal

Withdrawal is when you need a love fix and can't get it. These steps will help you work through the wrenching feelings of this second stage of abandonment.

1. Resist the temptation to contact your ex. The yearning and longing for love is intense during this stage. In spite of the torment, don't look to your ex for support. Repeated contact can cause re-wounding, which can hurt more than the initial breakup.

Stage One: Shattering

The tumultuous feelings of "shattering," the first stage of a broken heart,
are both temporary and necessary for healing. To cope with this stage, follow these steps:

1. Stay in the moment. During an emotional crisis, you need to learn how to function as best you can. Staying in the moment is the healthiest way to live while coping with devastating circumstances. Blast your favorite music and sing along, or