Working With Your Ex: Four Tips for Staying Civil

By John Gray, Ph.D.
Relationship Advice from MarsVenus.com
There was a time you shared a life together. That's over, but if you still share a business with your ex, it means that you also share income, clients or customers, vendors and your career.

So how do you prevent the things that didn't work when you were a couple from affecting the things that work so well as business partners? By remembering that the past is the past, and your career is your future. In fact, your business is your "baby," and for the good of your "child," it's important that you make joint custody work in a way that allows it to flourish. Here are four tips for working civilly with your ex:

• Tip No. 1: Respect each other's skills. One of the reasons you got into business together in the first place was because you both have unique talents that harmonize well in a professional environment. We at MarsVenus.com know that it can be difficult, but just because things didn't work out between you in your personal lives, don't let that keep you from acknowledging the level of accomplishment your ex brought to his or her work in your joint business efforts. As you would with anyone else you work with, grant your ex the respect he or she has earned as your co-worker.
  
  
• Tip No. 2: Give each other the space needed to do what each of you does best. Whatever issues you may have had when you were married, that was then and this is now. And now -- between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. -- is not the time in which to relive those feelings. Consider how you would feel if you worked somewhere else and your ex kept calling or stopping into the office to rehash the issues that stood between you. That would be disruptive, wouldn't it? You must allow your business partner the breathing space he or she needs to do the job properly.
  
  
• Tip No. 3: Don't let a crisis at work be the catalyst for airing previous personal issues. Like home, work is an arena in which there is a lot of stress. When we are under duress, other issues and fears can come to the forefront. If your ex was a source of stress and upset for you during your marriage, it's very easy to project your immediate anxiety onto him or her -- even if he or she has nothing to do with the current problem.
  
  So keep things in perspective. That means acknowledging the true source of your concern, and dealing with it appropriately. You may even want to ask your business partner for his or her advice on the issue. After all, that's why you're working together.
  
  
• Tip No. 4: If things get too uncomfortable, divide the business, then conquer the professional universe on your own. Sometimes it's just too hard to keep your world functioning under the presumption of "business as usual." If that's the case for you and your ex, have an open discussion about splitting up the business. This may mean offering your ex a buyout, or giving him or her an opportunity to buy you out. It could mean seeking out a third party to buy your business, or it could mean liquidating the business. If you haven't already done so, both of you should meet with your attorneys and accountants to discuss the legal, tax and financial ramifications of any of these plans.
  
  None of these alternatives will be emotionally easy to initiate. Dividing or selling your business will be as difficult as separating the personal parts of your lives. What you must remember is that the things in life worth doing are those things that make us happy or leave us fulfilled. If your current situation doesn't meet these criteria, don't be afraid to take a new direction in your life.

If you would like help finessing interactions with your ex, or working through the process of divorce, call an AskMarsVenus.com telephone relationship coach for assistance! You can get 20 minutes of expert advice for just $20. Click here to learn more.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004). For insight into dating and relationships today, visit Relationship Advice from MarsVenus.com.

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