Stick with your marriage. Nothing better lies on the other side of the fence. So says Iris Krasnow -- a wife, mother and professor -- in her latest book, Surrendering to Marriage (Hyperion, 2001).
With her generation of baby boomers experiencing a nearly 50 percent divorce rate, Krasnow urges her readers to do everything in their power to preserve the institution of marriage.
Here, Krasnow's short and sassy takes on marriage provide a generous dosage of couples-reality:
- Accept and expect feelings of hate. Just as tender love turns into fighting, you can count on hateful feelings to morph into something wonderful. Marriage can be a pain. Surrender to that fact and get on with things.
- Marriage as a wellspring of contentment is a myth. Anticipating happiness-ever-after is a ticket to divorce. The sting of Cupid's arrow will fade. There will be fewer ah-has and more ho-hums. Surrender to the rhythm and grind of the ordinary, and a sustained and profound satisfaction can be yours.
- Stop searching for perfect love elsewhere -- no such animal exists. Many people who have left marriages to chase someone else end up with bigger problems than the ones they left behind. These include dealing with step-children, the unrelenting "revenge of the spouse" and the realization that the same tough issues are surfacing again.
- Hug and kiss your spouse as often as you do your kids. Come from a place of compassion and vulnerability, rather than snarly anger, and you'll find that most of the time you will get everything you want.
- Go on -- surrender to your imperfect marriage. Admit that you love it more than you hate it.
Finally, don’t spend so much time focusing on your career that you neglect your most important job: nurturing the people you love. Keep your wedding promises of "I do" and "I will," vows that you must work at -- day in and day out -- to fulfill.
