QUESTION: I love my boyfriend very much, but he's just not very good in bed. Although he tries, he's frequently "barking up the wrong tree" with where he touches me, if you know what I mean. I don't really want to hurt his feelings by telling him he's doing things wrong, but I also want to be satisfied. Any suggestions?
ANSWER: While I'm all for open, honest, detailed conversations, I agree that yelling out "Stop that!" or "Not there!" in bed is probably not an ideal approach. Generally, it's best to concentrate on the positive when communicating with a partner about sexual matters. For example, instead of saying, "Don't do that!" when he is missing the mark, try saying, "Oh yes! Where you just were!" when he hits the spot. You can also lean over and whisper in his ear, "You know what would really turn me on?" then suggest what you'd like. Another option is to masturbate in front of your partner. You can make it into a little erotic game, taking turns, or doing it at the same time. You might learn something about what he likes, too!
If you don't think you can bring yourself to say anything or masturbate in front of him, the best approach is to take his hand gently and place it where you want it. Show him where you like to be touched, how hard and how fast. While I appreciate that you don't want to hurt his feelings, most men actually say that they'd like it if women would give them more feedback. However you approach it, you'll be doing both of you a service.
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