To help you get through the tough times, put together your own divorce emergency kit. Get a shoebox or a bag and enclose all the items listed below. Keep it in a convenient place where you can access it quickly.
1. Give Yourself a Card
From your local card shop, pick up a "Congratulations" and a "Good Luck" card. Write the following inside of each:
- "Congratulations" card: Of course there are many negative feelings and jarring routine changes associated with divorce. There are also bad or unhealthy things about your former marriage that you're better off without. Sometimes it helps to remember those particular things.
On the inside of the "Congratulations" card, make a list of things that didn't work out or that upset you in your previous relationship. This gives you a way to congratulate yourself on living a life without those negative influences.
- "Good Luck" card: Just as you need to remember the reasons you must move on, you also need to remind yourself of where you're headed. In your "Good Luck" card, write down some of your goals for the future -- a dream occupation, a class you'd like to take, or an area where you'd like to live. Looking at this card will remind you that you have exciting prospects ahead.
Think of an activity that really lifts your spirits -- it can be going to a movie, reading your favorite book, visiting a spa or eating at that off-limits fast food restaurant. Now buy yourself this luxury in a gift form -- gift certificates for a theater, book store, spa or restaurant. Keep this in your "emergency kit" so that you have quick access to an uplifting activity regardless of your budget status at the time of a divorce panic attack.
3. Give Yourself a Friend
Put together a small photo album with pictures of friends and family you can lean on. Under each picture, put each person's contact information (work, home and cell numbers). Sometimes just looking at pictures of your loved ones can help comfort you. And, if needed, you can pick up the phone and hear a friendly voice.
4. Create a Sense of Calm
Different things provide a calming effect for different people. Whether it be your favorite bubble bath or a soothing cup of tea, add some things that help you relax to your kit. It might be a favorite CD or a decadent candy, but put it aside and save it for when you really need it.
5. Make a Resolution
Often times a panic attack during a divorce is related to a sense of having entered the unknown or a fear that life will never again being on even ground. Sometimes just thinking of one thing you can do to move closer to your new, secure life can help stabilize you and help create a feeling of momentum toward a better way of living.
In your kit, include a blank index card and a pen or pencil. When that dreaded moment comes and you need to pull out the kit, sit down in a quiet place and think of what task you can perform (talking to a realtor, investigating courses at a local college, speaking with a financial advisor) that will help you feel productive and grounded. Record this task on your index card and commit to a date by which it'll be completed.
With all your ingredients stored securely in your special bag or box, you're a step ahead of the game. Nothing can make divorce easy, but being prepared for those emotional moments can help make them less painful and expedite your recovery.
For more information on taking care of yourself and taking care of business after a relationship, visit the Institute's website at equalityinmarriage.org.
