Lois Wyse: Independence Pays Off

DEAR LOIS: When I read the letter about the woman whose husband had her living in a town she hated, I wanted to tell her about my life. I moved to an isolated, very cold, very "guy-oriented" town nearly 20 years ago because my then-new husband needed to be closer to his kids from his first marriage. I found a fantastic job and am now ready to retire; my spouse has already retired. The kids are grown and have relocated, so the only reason to stay here is my husband's desire to hunt, fish, snowmobile, ice fish, etc. There is nothing here for me except him, and he is very little company because he leaves for weeks at a time to go into the woods with the guys. So I made a decision to retire to a southeastern location where there are 30 colleges and universities, many museums and art galleries, drama clubs, dinner theaters and interesting creative people. He was appalled, but I told him he could come and visit me anytime. He knew I meant it so he traveled with me to the area, marveled at the flowering trees in April. We bought 12 acres of wooded land with 600 feet on a fly fishing river. We'll leave soon, towing our new camper, to build our little retirement cabin on our property. Is this a compromise? I think so. Twenty hears in his neck of the woods and our last 20 years in my choice of a location. Life is too short to live where you do not want to live. MARNIEH

DEAR MARNIEH: You are definitely a lady with get up and go who got up and went. And there is a lesson for all women who think they have to do what "he" wants. I did condense your letter a bit because you added that had he not moved, you'd have bought a small condo in the South. All right, Marnieh! You're my kind of woman.

DEAR LOIS: Recently my aunt gave two lottery tickets to a friend of hers on her 80th birthday. As you probably guessed, one of them was a winner--$15,000!!! Do you think this woman should have given some amount of the winnings to my aunt? JOHN J. McCARTHY, Baldwinsville NY

DEAR JOHN: Doesn't much matter what I think. What does your aunt think? Is she the one who's disappointed that her friend didn't share the winnings--or does she take the view that a gift is a gift, and if she didn't want her friend to win, why did she give her the tickets? However, I do think it would have been gracious for the friend to buy a gift for your aunt with some of the proceeds.

(Want to ask a question, comment or share a family story? Send e-mail to Lois Wyse at loisw@thirdage.com)