Lois Wyse: Grandma Needs to Say No

DEAR LOIS: In answer to that grandmother who didn't want to be thought about as only a babysitter, I'd like to advise that she learn to say no. Find some interesting friends and go out. See the children and grandchildren on Sunday, and keep the grandchildren when you want them. I understand and know that you love them very much. They are a gift from God. GRANDMOTHER RUTH

DEAR GRANDMOTHER RUTH: You're one of many grandparents who wrote with similar advice. Grandmother Betty suggested that perhaps the grandmother/baby-sitter might inform the family that she is too busy to sit. She reported that her daughters (now in their 40s) never discovered her worth until she pulled back. And lest you babysitting grannies think you are alone out there, several women wanted to correspond with the letter writer because they are in the same position. What do I think? I think all of us grandmothers ought to set our own schedules, inform our families we'll change them in an emergency (just as we expect the family to do that for us) and make sure, however, that we don't over-schedule ourselves so that we don't have some time for the grandchildren. They grow up so fast. Remember what a short time it's been since our kids were young?

DEAR LOIS: Recently you printed an anecdote from a grandparent who thought it "cute" when a child recommended the gift of a credit card. This is pathetic, and not one bit funny. No wonder so many young people are up to their necks in debt with umpteen credit cards charged to the hilt and having no idea how they are going to pay them off. A child suggesting a credit card as a gift? That's sick if you think it's funny. LMG

DEAR LMG: OK, I'm guilty. I thought it was funny. But I don't think that joking about credit cards means that I believe in sending people into the Grand Canyon of debt. I don't think that any person who is taught the value of thrift and careful budgeting at home is going to go astray hearing a joke. Let's all lighten up. It's a cold world out there.

To contact Lois Wyse, send email to loisw@thirdage.com.