Keeping Your Marriage Together

The best sources for advice on making marriage last are the people who have accomplished it.

Stars such as Paul McCartney, Britney Spears, Sara Evans and Reese Witherspoon, who are going their separate ways in a very public manner, might learn something from these couples.

How do you live for decades with one person? How do you maintain tolerance, preferably with affection, love and some -- wink, wink -- attraction?

Can you stand being the subject of one-liners, such H.L. Mencken's: "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?"

Here are hints from couples whose marriages defy disheartening, if imprecise, projections that perhaps as many as 40 percent of marriages might end in divorce.

The bottom line in all these long-lasting marriages is that shared spiritual practices matter and that marriage for keeps is a central value.

Humor. The first thing out of Charles Farish's mouth was a laugh: "A sense of humor," he said. "You've got to love each other, but you need a sense of humor, too.

"You have your disagreements and arguments and all that, but you have to see the humor in it."

He and his wife, Vivian, have been married 55 years.

Develop compassion. Learn to "have empathy for someone other than oneself," said Bill Heath, a retired telecommunications engineer. He and his wife, Shirley, have been married for 53 years.

"I don't think I was that way when I was younger. When you love somebody, you develop empathy when you see somebody hurt," he said.

Be friends first. "We have always depended on each other for friendship," said retired pre-school teacher Mary White, of her husband of 55 years, Clinton.

"We're both friends. We have been since the day we were married. We're honest with each other."

Dance often. "Have fun together," said Rita Wingfield, of Mechanicsville, Va.

She and her husband, Cotton, a retired foreman at City Wide Decorators, "like a lot of the same things. We've enjoyed dancing all our lives, and we like to go on trips." They've been married for 50 years.

Sing, too. Vivian and Charles Farish have been singing for decades in the choir at Hatcher Memorial Baptist Church, Charles Farish said. He is retired from C&P, now Verizon; she is retired from Thalhimer's department store.

Forget the Joneses. "Keeping up with the Joneses? We tried that; that don't work," he said.

Better to agree on how to spend and manage your money. It prevents disagreeing about finances.

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