Health

Jokes & Laughs: Thoughts on Marriage

  • My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship.

    Yes. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  • We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Chicago and mine is in New York.

  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

  • I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

    I suggested the kitchen.

  • We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  • She had an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"

    So I bought her an electric chair.

  • Remember: Marriage is the No. 1 cause of divorce. Statistically, 100 percent of all divorces started with marriage.

  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

  • I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

  • The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

    I said, "Dust!"

Submitted by IJAZZ in the "Share a Joke" discussion