How Am I Supposed to Behave on a Date?

Here is a question I am asked quite a bit by many readers, people at all stages of dating, from those just starting to date to those who have gotten out of a relationship and are newly dating again.

People ask, "What am I supposed to do when dating? How am I supposed to act?" The answer is both simple and complicated.

There are trends in dating, as there are trends in fashion, food, shopping, spending, etc. There are many trends, each with a conflicting message. For example, on the issue of physical intimacy, some say the trend is that physical intimacy is expected within three dates. On the other hand, I just read an article that said celibacy is back on the dating scene.

Trends shouldn't rule or guide your dating experience. There is no particular way you are supposed to act when dating. If you want positive results from dating -- fun, and the potential for a long-term relationship -- you will act in a way that fits you.

Figure out what suits you when it comes to dating. How you date, as well as who you date, needs to be an intimate reflection of who you are. Self-knowledge is a key piece in making dating both fun and a "productive" experience.

There is one important part of dating trends that you do need to be concerned about: You need to know how your dating partners -- and, later, your relationship partner -- look at dating.

If you get together with a person who thinks physical intimacy should happen at the beginning of the relationship, and you don't, what do you do?

One way to handle this before any problems arise is to have a "getting to know each other" casual conversation about dating at the beginning. Find out generally how each of you thinks dating progresses, what happens in the process, and what the end result should be.

If the two of you generally match up, you are in luck. The going should be easy. If you don't, you can try negotiating with each other about how your dating relationship should progress. But more typically, people who don't match up in their expectations of how dating progresses, simply don't end up dating.

The bottom line is: Dating is a very personal experience. How you date should not be based on trends, or what anyone else thinks -- it should be based on who you are and what you want to achieve.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.