The last two months of the year are some of the busiest and most stressful. Holiday preparations, parties and gift-giving consume time and money and can cloud even the most sunny optimist's enthusiasm. It's the perfect time, experts say, to pause and give a gift to the most important person in your life: you.
"If we don't love and cherish ourselves, we can't extend that to others," says Janet Gillen, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist in private practice in San Francisco. "A lack of positive self-regard creates unnecessary stress and negativity in our lives," she adds.
Gillen recommends adults take time from their busy pre-holiday schedules to give small gifts to themselves. "Periodically we need treats which nurture and indulge and make us recognize we're important to ourselves," she says. Gifts to yourself need not be expensive or complicated. "Buy a special brew of coffee or some fresh flowers, or take a walk in a lovely setting, surrounding yourself with beauty."
Words and gestures can go a long way toward building your self-esteem. Brad Bernstein, Ph.D., a performance coach in Oakland, Calif., says, "Make a point of starting your sentences with the phrases 'I can' ... 'I do' ... and 'I am.'" And, he adds, be as generous with yourself as you are with others. "Give yourself credit, a pat on the back, and make the effort to recall the good things people have said about you." Gillen adds that, "Too often we are our own harshest critics. Replace that critical voice with a supportive, nurturing one."
Other "gifts" that build self-esteem include maintaining connections with others through volunteering and social activity. "It may be as simple as helping your elderly neighbor with her trash or striking up a conversation with the person sitting next to you on the bus," Gillen says.
