Flash back a couple of Fox seasons ago to the network's reality TV show "Temptation Island." The show took four committed couples and threw in two dozen scantily clad singles to tempt those couples to cheat. The show hit ratings records, but why did viewers tune in week after week to see couples tempted to cheat? And why did we shriek with disappointment when the couples ultimately stuck together?
It may be that "Temptation Island" reminded us of a more titillating time in our relationships. According to Dr. Patricia Love in her book "The Truth About Love: The Highs, The Lows, and How You Can Make it Last Forever" (Simon & Schuster, 2001), the first stage of love is one of "Infatuation."
It's during this period, says Dr. Love, that a "love molecule" called PEA triggers dopamine and norepinephrine in your brain. Next thing you know, you're daydreaming, you've got butterflies in your stomach, you're experiencing appetite and sleep loss...and you're constantly satisfied.
But let's get real -- these feelings of grandeur can't last forever. Like most drugs, these biochemicals wear off, and familiarity sets in. Dr. Love calls this second phase of love "Post-Rapture" and says that "while some find this period more comfortable, others, seduced by the early excitement, find it disappointing."
Indeed, many couples give up on perfectly good relationships, only to experience the same change of feelings with their next partner. But as Dr. Steve Brody, marriage counselor and author of "Renew Your Marriage at Midlife" (Berkley, 2000), puts it, "Temptation Island may make for titillating television, but it's no way to resolve a relationship problem."
Getting past the infatuation stage can actually be an opportunity to create a deeper connection to your partner. Dr. Betty Polston, author of "Loving Midlife Marriage" (John Wiley & Sons, 1999), says, "To make our marriages the relationships we all want, we can first start out with a 'this relationship is so important to me that I will do everything I can to make it work' attitude."
While your relationship may not always be as passionate as scenes from "The Bridges of Madison County," reconsider any notions of island infidelity. Understanding love's evolving stages can clue you into the benefits of commitment. You might find that monogamy, while more challenging, is ultimately more fulfilling than an island of singledom.
