Dear Dr. Betty,
My husband has been spending all his time with his good friend on his farm. The problem is that we spent the last five years doing everything together and now there's no time for me -- ever. He's there till 8 p.m., comes home for dinner, and goes to bed. Every weekend he's at the farm working day and night. I've talked to him about spending more time with me -- he says he can't say no to his friend who needs his help. He doesn't know what to do. I feel us drifting apart. He's not gay and he says he loves me and will try to work something out, but nothing yet. What do I do? --F.
Dear F.,
You had five intense years with your husband. Moving away from that intensity may not be so bad. Is it really desirable to do everything together?
Research and wisdom support the idea that an emotionally healthy, independent person has a better chance of having a fulfilling partnership -- because they don't soley rely on a partner for a full life. Your five years of concentrated bonding may have been a bit much. Maybe your husband needed some space, and he happened to find it in the large acreage of a farm. Kahlil Gibran, a Middle Eastern poet and philosopher, wisely said of couples, "Let there be space in your togetherness."
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