Before the Fling

Affairs happen. And relationship expert Christine Northam is realistic enough to admit that, whether people meet on the Internet, in the pub or in the office.

"The thing about affairs," she says, "is that they are always a symptom of a committed relationship that's not OK.

"If the affair serves to prop up that relationship, then it is only a propping up job, not a long-term solution. It might make the person having the affair feel more comfortable and able to deal with what's wrong, but it acts only as a sticking plaster."

Christine, a senior relationship counselor, goes on: "Before ever embarking on any kind of affair a person should ask themselves why they are thinking about it, what's motivating them to do this? Affairs are a fact of life -- and as lots of happy marriages start off with an affair, I can't say they are 100 percent bad -- but they happen because the first relationship isn't working."

Before the Fling
As a society, when we team up with someone, male or female, we largely value fidelity, honesty and truthfulness, according to Christine.

"That's why we are still shocked about affairs," she says.

But affairs are not always due to problems with the committed relationship, she adds.

It could be due to something that happened to a person as a child. Maybe his or her parents split up and when they hit a rocky patch in their marriage they subconsciously seek to repair it how their parents did.

"The key thing is to try to understand why affairs happen," stresses Christine. "And if you are in a situation where you are thinking of having an affair, first ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this?'"

Source: Liverpool Echo. Powered by YellowBrix.

- - - - -

Is your partner having an affair?

What constitutes infidelity? Find out here.