What's worse than a teenager's first date? A ThirdAger's first date -- especially after years of marriage and a bumpy divorce. Here's what you need to know to make your first date in years your best date in years.
According to ThirdAge's romance expert, psychologist and author Dr. David Schnarch, you're betting your sense of self-worth on the outcome of a few casual hours. Almost no other social encounter has as much risk riding on the outcome. You may endure an eternity of anxious moments wondering what your date thinks, worried about whether -- at least in your date's eyes -- you're OK.
This core anxiety, common to all ages, turns up the volume on other uncertainties: Should you group-date in a big, comfortable pack of pals or make it an intimate date for just the two of you? Should you have a formal dinner date? An outing like a bike ride? Is it OK for the woman to call the man? Or should she wait until he reads her signals clearly enough to give him the chops to pick up a phone.
Finally, add the unexpected reversal of sex roles, says Schnarch. Men, whose sexual activity may be slowing, wonder if the women they're dating expect a pass. Women, perched on a coy pedestal, being sexually interested but not too available, calibrate their display of libido to what they think a man can handle. And there's the whole confusing message of gender warfare conveyed daily in the media.
The truth is nobody knows what's really going on. No wonder a first date is often first and foremost an encounter with distress. Just deciding to stand on our own two feet and being yourself will help, says Schnarch. If you're less anxious, your date will be, too. Be playful. Enjoy the process of dating as well as the person you're dating. And be comfortable in your own skin.
