Fight Those Dating-Again Fears!

Dating can be tough no matter what age you are -- but after having been in one relationship for a long time, many midlifers feel especially awkward and unsteady about forming new romantic partnerships. Some may worry that the rules of dating have changed, that the game is now somehow played differently.

With this in mind, here are some tips for dating again in midlife:

1. Go Slow
Many singles dating again in midlife are used to being in a long-term relationship. Thus, the awkwardness that nearly everyone experiences in dating seems amplified. Because of this, many singles will want to rush through the beginning stages of the relationship, the "getting to know you" phase, in order to get to the comfort level to which they are accustomed.

However, no matter how much you may want the comfort of a relationship, rushing it is a mistake. Take the time to get to know the person you are dating and to decide whether you actually want to be in a relationship with him or her.

2. Be Discerning
Many singles in their 20s and 30s date people to whom they are mutually attracted. This is a good start -- people in a relationship should be drawn to each other physically. However, attraction is not nearly enough to form a solid, loving, long-term relationship.

You probably know yourself fairly well. You likely know what kind of person has the potential to contribute positively to your life. Date only these kinds of people, especially the ones to whom you feel attracted.

3. Don't Blame the Opposite Sex
If our past relationship or marriage ended badly, it can be natural to think that all members of the opposite sex have the worst attributes of our ex.

Needless to say, such an attitude is likely to render your dating life non-existent. You would be better off realizing that your ex is only one person out of billions. It's therefore unlikely that all men or all women have the same attributes or behave in the same way.

4. Drop the Baggage
One of the reasons dating can be more difficult in midlife is that we have more relationship experience, which usually means more baggage. This can be especially pronounced if we have gone through a difficult divorce or have had a difficult relationship. This baggage can get in the way of dating again, as it can leave us bitter and make it difficult for us to attract partners.

5. Be Yourself
Singles in their 20s and 30s often try to mold themselves to the person they're dating. This is easy since they don't necessarily know themselves well. In midlife, however, you do know yourself, so don't try to be someone else. You want someone to be drawn to the person you truly are.

6. Don't Worry About the Rules
One of the favorite sayings of dating-again singles is that the rules of dating have changed. Midlife singles imagine the process of dating to be drastically different from when they were in their 20s or 30s.

The truth, however, is that there aren't any rules, so just behave in a way that is comfortable for you. Who pays, who calls, how intimacy progresses, and many other dating decisions can all be defined by you as you move through the relationship.

7. Make Room in Your Life
Our lives are full with work, family, friends, and hobbies. The older we get, the more we settle into our routine, our way of living. But dating and creating a new intimate partnership takes time.

Do you have time in your life for a partner, for a relationship? If not, you may want to make room. Otherwise, dating will be stressful. You might also make the hasty mistake of skipping the dating stage and move right into the committed-relationship stage.

8. Follow Your Interests
Many newly single people wonder how to meet other singles, especially highly compatible, quality singles. After all, the bar scene is no longer the place to meet people.

The answer is to get involved in activities you enjoy. The more fulfilling and exciting you find the activities, the more likely you are to meet people easily and connect with them naturally. Simply meet people with similar interests to yours and let things develop as they will.

Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships.