Question: I don't feel sexy and attractive anymore. I've gained a few pounds, can barely fit into my clothes and don't have time to put myself together. I want to feel attractive to my husband and feel sexy walking down the street again. Can the teachings of Tantra help?
Answer: The precepts of Tantra teach that the body is the temple. To take good care of it and keep it healthy and alive is vital. Our earthly body acts as a conduit for the lessons that life has to offer and giving our bodies many experiences of pleasure, health and love facilitates our spirit to reach higher consciousness. Carving out the time to deeply care for yourself will refresh your self-love.
You may not feel as though you're in the body you once had. As a woman, your temple will go through many transitions. Women can expect a multitude of changes in a lifetime including puberty, pregnancy, nursing, going back to normal size, then pregnancy again, middle-age weight gain, and on and on. Hormones rage and shapes change -- and all of this occurs in a society that holds 20-year-olds with supermodel figures as the ideal.
You could go out and buy a new dress. Or you could focus on what's inside -- that's your jewel. When you attain a balance of mood, inner happiness and security, you'll glow on the outside. Consider taking up the practice of yoga. Not only is it great exercise and a good skin rejuvenator, but it teaches us to bring our outer lives inward. Your life will feel more in balance and you'll look more alive. Then your inner self will reflect the real you on the outer plane.
If you can carve out a little time for yourself, close your bedroom door and dance. Try bellydancing. It's becoming very popular and is a good workout, but its best attribute is that it'll get you into the body you do have and will give you some newfound sexual juice. Grind your hips, smile and think sexy thoughts. Don't be critical. Self-criticism only alienates us from ourselves.
Create a ritual to which you invite your husband. Set out candles, pillows and maybe a small altar. Set an intention for yourself. This isn't going to be a sexual ritual, though it may turn out that way, but is intended to be a vulnerable truth-telling ritual. Speak from your heart about the fears you have expressed in your question. It's likely that he'll express some similar ones about himself and the two of you may well have the best talk you have had in years.
Invite him to learn some new sensual and sexual things with you. Touch techniques -- including the use of a blindfold to remove our strongest sense, sight -- add liveliness to our sexual encounters. Intimacy techniques like eye gazing and deep breathing together create opportunities for seeing beyond the superficial body.
Try some new sexual positions from the Kama Sutra. Don't worry about how you look. Let yourself go into the pleasure. That's what your husband will notice. It'll turn him on, but better yet it'll turn you on.
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