Executor to the Estate Digs Up Some Buried Bones

As executor to the estate of my recently deceased father, I have discovered some "skeletons" that were never divulged. It seems as though my father was married to another woman for several years before he divorced and was married to my mother for 25 years.

Although my mother is now deceased as well, I'm quite certain no one was ever aware of this -- leading me to believe it was his decision for this to never go public.

To throw another twist in the story, he fathered a child with his first wife. I have a biological half-sister out there somewhere.

My take on it is that the half-sister is just that -- purely biological. Although curiosity does get me a little, we share no actual past together and she may not even be aware of my father's existence. It would not be proper of me to pursue this any further. My brothers, as well, need not know anything regarding my discovery, and the papers should find the shredder.

ANSWER: Yours is an unpopular view nowadays, and there is much to be said for it.

And Miss Manners promises you that much will be said against it. It is commonly thought now that there should be no family secrets, and that you owe it to your siblings, both known and unknown, to disclose everything you know about the family.

However, you have been charged by your father to carry out his wishes, and it does seem clear that he did not wish his previous marriage to be known to his second family.

It is not for Miss Manners to take part in this very personal moral dilemma of yours. Some lives may have been enriched by such disclosures, and others may have been ruined. The only help she can offer is to let you know that you are not alone in thinking that discretion can be a virtue.

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