Don't Take Your Job Out on Your Spouse

We've all been there. The workday gets off to a bad start and only gets worse. You want to scream at someone -- anyone. But grown-ups aren't allowed do that at the office ... not if they want to keep their jobs. So where is all that anger going to go?

'Hi, Honey. How Was Work?'
After a bad day, your spouse innocently asks, "How was work?"

Your first response: "Don't ask."

But the rush of invectives has been unlocked. This was terrible. That was ridiculous. And on and on. Finally it's all out of your system -- for the moment, at least. You're exhausted from the sheer rush of energy. Your partner probably is, too. But the tidal wave of tension and frustration from your day at the office has now come crashing into your home, drowning the evening in a sea of toxicity.

Life isn't always pretty, and it certainly doesn't always go as we expect. When a bad day occurs, we look to our spouses for support. But ask yourself if it's necessary to bring work's pressures home with you. If the answer is yes, is the evening a supportive discussion of the events of the day? Or is it a "dumping" session -- blaming and criticizing -- that drives a wedge between you and your partner rather than bringing you closer? Here's how to protect your quality time with your spouse:

If Ventilating Is Inevitable, Do It Before Dinner
The need to ventilate after a bad day is only human. Take some time to discuss it with your partner soon after you arrive home, then set your workday aside for the rest of the evening. Don't bottle things up only to uncork during dinner or at bedtime.

Looking for Advice? If Not, Say So!
When someone we love is in crisis, it makes us feel helpless. So we try to come up with that gem of wisdom that will fix everything. But from where you're sitting, advice is probably the last thing you want, and your reflex is to jump down your partner's throat. Sure, an argument might feel good temporarily, but do you want to risk the damage to your relationship? If you feel your partner is lecturing you, just be clear that you need support and not advice.

Your Spouse Is Not a Sponge
Your partner's purpose is not just to soak up your bad feelings. It's possible that your spouse could also have had a rough day, and he or she could be just as frustrated and tense as you. Or, he or she may have had a great day and be afraid to tell you about it. Remember that conversations involve more than one person, and give your spouse a turn.

Practice Taking Ownership for How You Feel
All the bursting forth on the day's events is a way of getting to -- or avoiding -- real feelings. Start out by identifying how you feel. Try something like, "I'm really angry because