Desperately Seeking...Me

I've been there for my husband and our three grown kids for 32 years and now want to concentrate on myself. However, my husband laid down the rules of what I could and couldn't do. I left him recently and am sad and angry that after all my love and caring, I have no support from him or my family. I'm an only child and don't have many friends because my husband was always jealous. Now it's hard to change the way everyone thinks of me, but I can't live like this anymore. I am so lonely -- please help. --M.

Nurturing is a woman's favorite habit! But classically, in midlife, many women turn 180 degrees and start to focus on themselves. You've done this, and you've shocked others who have a different perception of you. Are you going to change their opinions? For most, probably not. But now, your goal is to begin doing your own thing.

I'm not suggesting you traipse into the sunset, abandoning your family. We all know that connection is vital to our well-being. What you need, though, is to reconnect to yourself first. As an added bonus, you may be pleasantly surprised to find some family members applauding your journey.

Where to begin? First realize that you're not just doing your own thing -- you're on a spiritual quest. You're thinking about the passing years, your health, your control over events, and the search for ultimate meaning and inner peace. Deal with some of these large questions and a positive overflow into the rest of your life is inevitable.
Continue: Now It's "You" Time>

url:

/news/archive/ALT03001013-02.html

raw:

<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"><html><head><title>ThirdAge - Love & Passion Newsletter - Desperately Seeking Me!</title><meta content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" http-equiv="Content-Type"><meta name="keywords" content="romance, marriage, personal growth advice divorce children husband"><meta name="description" content="Dr. Betty Q&A of the Week: "I've been there for my ex-husband and kids for 32 years and now I want to concentrate on me.""><meta name="language" content="en"><meta http-equiv="content-language" content="en"> <meta name="robots" content="index,follow"><script type="text/javascript" src="/includes/javascript/base2.js"></script><link rel=stylesheet href="/includes/css/seo02.css" TYPE="text/css"></head><div align="center"><table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" width="760" class="bgtablemainborder"><tr><td><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="758" class="bgtablemain"><tr><td colspan="6" align="center"><div style="padding-top: 5px;"></div></td></tr><tr><td colspan="6" height="10"><spacer type=block width=1 height=10></td></tr><tr valign="top"><td></td><td rowspan="2"></td><td rowspan="2" class="body"><div style="padding-top:1px;"></div><p><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" align="right"><tr><td width="5"><spacer type=block width=5 height=1></td><td></td></tr><tr><td height="10"><spacer type=block width=1 height=10></td></tr></table><font color="#333333" class="hed">Desperately Seeking Me!</font><br><font color="#333333"><br> Dear <a href="/romance/marriage/betty/bio.html">Dr. Betty</a>,<BR><BR> I've been there for my husband and our three grown kids for 32 years and now want to concentrate on myself. However, my husband laid down the rules of what I could and couldn't do. I left him recently and am sad and angry that after all my love and caring, I have no support from him or my family. I'm an only child and don't have many friends because my husband was always jealous. Now it's hard to change the way everyone thinks of me, but I can't live like this anymore. I am so lonely--please help. --M.<BR><BR> Dear M.,<BR><BR> Nurturing is a woman's favorite habit! But classically, in midlife, many women turn 180 degrees and start to focus on themselves. You've done this, and you've shocked others who have a different perception of you. Are you going to change their opinions? For most, probably not. Now, your goal is to begin to do your own thing.<BR><BR> I'm not suggesting you traipse into the sunset, abandoning your family. We all know that connection is vital to our well-being. What you need is to reconnect to yourself first. As an added bonus, you may be pleasantly surprised to find some family members applauding your journey.<BR><BR> Where to begin? First realize that you're not just doing your own thing, you're on a spiritual quest. You're thinking about the passing years, your health, your control over events, and the search for ultimate meaning and inner peace. Deal with some of these large questions and a positive overflow into the rest of your life is inevitable.<br> <a href="/romance/marriage/betty/dating/970767981-1.html">Continue: Now It's "You" Time ></a><br><BR><BR> <font face="verdana" color="#993333"><b>What Do You Think?</b></font> See more of what Dr. Betty has to say, and tell us your opinion in the box at the end of the answer. <a href="/romance/marriage/betty/dating/970767981-1.html">Go ></a><BR><BR> - - - - -<BR><BR> If you have a question for Dr. Betty, <a href="/romance/marriage/betty/questions.html">ask it here</a>, and to read other past Dr. Betty columns, go to the <a href="/romance/marriage/betty/archive.html">Ask Dr. Betty Archive</a>.</font><br clear="all"><div style="margin-top: 15px;" align="center"></div><p><p><p><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="424" class="bgpullquotes"><tr><td height="2" colspan="4" class="bgpullquoteline"><spacer type=block width=1 height=2></td></tr><tr><td height="3" colspan="4"><spacer type=block width=1 height=3></td></tr><tr><td><spacer type=block width=1 height=1></td><td colspan="3" class="pullquotehed"></td></tr><tr><td height="5" colspan="4"><spacer type=block width=1 height=5></td></tr><tr><td width="7" height="10"><spacer type=block width=7 height=10></td><td width="14" height="1"><spacer type=block width=14 height=1></td><td width="383"><spacer type=block width=383 height=1></td><td width="20"><spacer type=block width=20 height=1></td></tr></table></td><td rowspan="2"></td><td rowspan="2"><div class="uli"></div><p><br></td><td rowspan="2"> </td></tr><tr valign="top"><td class="bgleftcol"><div style="padding-top: 10px;"></div><p><p align="center"></p><p align="center"></p></td></tr><tr><td colspan="6" align="center"><div style="padding-top: 10px;"></div></td></tr><tr><td width="134" height="10"><spacer type="block" width="134" height="10"></td><td width="15"><spacer type="block" width="15" height="1"></td><td width="424"><spacer type="block" width="424" height="1"></td><td width="15"><spacer type="block" width="15" height="1"></td><td width="160"><spacer type="block" width="160" height="1"></td><td width="10"><spacer type="block" width="10" height="1"></td></tr></table></td></tr></table><p><br><br></div></body></html>

Desperately Seeking...Me - Health