Health
The Commitment Conversation
Think of the love, trust and friendship with your partner as the gas for your car -- an essential fuel to get your relationship moving. Before you start driving off into the future, you and your significant other should sit down for the often-dreaded "Commitment Conversation."
Below are six different categories that you and your partner should discuss. Try to choose a time and place for this discussion where distractions are minimal and you can really focus on sharing your thoughts and opinions about decisions in your partnership.
1. Goals
Where do you see yourself in five to 10 years? Where do they see themselves? Talk about where each of you see yourself and know that it's important that you're both able to pursue your individual hopes and dreams while still operating as a team. It takes a strong "me" to build a solid "we," so it becomes critical that neither of you totally sacrifice your individual hopes. Look at your visions for the future and talk about how you can help each other reach your goals. Where will you need to compromise to maintain the household and finances? How can you make sure the needs of your partnership are being met while still letting you each feel fulfilled and successful in your individual endeavors?
2. Lifestyle
It may seem simple, but running a household isn't easy. With work schedules and social obligations, it can sometimes be hard to pay attention to all the details. Talk about your schedules and the tasks that will need to be completed in your home and decide how can you work together to make sure household tasks get done. How can you make sure that there's enough quality time for the two of you? While these things aren't totally predictable, discussing what you anticipate your day-to-day lifestyle will be like can help smooth your relationship's transitions.
3. Children
Whether they are children from a previous marriage or children you want to have in the future, they're important issues to discuss. What are your parenting philosophies? How can you work together to raise a child or incorporate an existing child into your relationship? Playing the role of parental role-models to children of any age is a big responsibility and a task you should be able to discuss openly.
4. Finances
We're still very sensitive when it comes to financial issues, and money is the number one cause of arguments in relationships. Talk about how the financial machine in your household will operate. Will you have joint accounts or will you maintain your individual financial systems? How will you deal with household expenses? Even if one person is handling most of the money matters, it's important that both of you are involved in major decisions, that you both understand your household's financial standing, and that you can both access and understand important financial documents.
5. Health and Well-Being
You've talked about taking care of your household and taking care of your finances, now talk about taking care of yourselves. It's important that each of you have the time and opportunity to keep healthy and balanced. Discuss your individual exercise habits and make sure there's a place for those in your new lifestyle. Discuss how you'll maintain proper nutrition. Also bring up any health concerns about yourself or your partner that are troubling you.
For many people, another part of well-being is spirituality or religion. Even if your partner doesn't share your beliefs, it's important that he or she understands and respects them.
6. Legality
A recent survey revealed that over 70 percent of individuals in this country do not understand the legalities of marriage and divorce. When you get married or cohabitate, there are certain laws that define your partnership. These laws are often very vague. Research the laws in your state and gain an understanding of what your union does or does not mean. Then discuss what you want your marriage to mean legally. Do you want to be equal partners and jointly own any assets garnered during your partnership? Are there issues related to inheritance or children that are important to you that you would like to investigate? After discussing the legality of your partnership, you should speak with a lawyer to see if you should develop a marriage contract of your own to define and protect your union.
Taking the time to discuss your partnership and make decisions together can help create a well-oiled machine to move your relationship forward. Plus, it can ensure that the love you treasure has a strong vehicle that lets you race into the future together.
Visit the Equality in Marriage Institute's Web site at equalityinmarriage.org.
Below are six different categories that you and your partner should discuss. Try to choose a time and place for this discussion where distractions are minimal and you can really focus on sharing your thoughts and opinions about decisions in your partnership.
1. Goals
Where do you see yourself in five to 10 years? Where do they see themselves? Talk about where each of you see yourself and know that it's important that you're both able to pursue your individual hopes and dreams while still operating as a team. It takes a strong "me" to build a solid "we," so it becomes critical that neither of you totally sacrifice your individual hopes. Look at your visions for the future and talk about how you can help each other reach your goals. Where will you need to compromise to maintain the household and finances? How can you make sure the needs of your partnership are being met while still letting you each feel fulfilled and successful in your individual endeavors?
2. Lifestyle
It may seem simple, but running a household isn't easy. With work schedules and social obligations, it can sometimes be hard to pay attention to all the details. Talk about your schedules and the tasks that will need to be completed in your home and decide how can you work together to make sure household tasks get done. How can you make sure that there's enough quality time for the two of you? While these things aren't totally predictable, discussing what you anticipate your day-to-day lifestyle will be like can help smooth your relationship's transitions.
3. Children
Whether they are children from a previous marriage or children you want to have in the future, they're important issues to discuss. What are your parenting philosophies? How can you work together to raise a child or incorporate an existing child into your relationship? Playing the role of parental role-models to children of any age is a big responsibility and a task you should be able to discuss openly.
4. Finances
We're still very sensitive when it comes to financial issues, and money is the number one cause of arguments in relationships. Talk about how the financial machine in your household will operate. Will you have joint accounts or will you maintain your individual financial systems? How will you deal with household expenses? Even if one person is handling most of the money matters, it's important that both of you are involved in major decisions, that you both understand your household's financial standing, and that you can both access and understand important financial documents.
5. Health and Well-Being
You've talked about taking care of your household and taking care of your finances, now talk about taking care of yourselves. It's important that each of you have the time and opportunity to keep healthy and balanced. Discuss your individual exercise habits and make sure there's a place for those in your new lifestyle. Discuss how you'll maintain proper nutrition. Also bring up any health concerns about yourself or your partner that are troubling you.
For many people, another part of well-being is spirituality or religion. Even if your partner doesn't share your beliefs, it's important that he or she understands and respects them.
6. Legality
A recent survey revealed that over 70 percent of individuals in this country do not understand the legalities of marriage and divorce. When you get married or cohabitate, there are certain laws that define your partnership. These laws are often very vague. Research the laws in your state and gain an understanding of what your union does or does not mean. Then discuss what you want your marriage to mean legally. Do you want to be equal partners and jointly own any assets garnered during your partnership? Are there issues related to inheritance or children that are important to you that you would like to investigate? After discussing the legality of your partnership, you should speak with a lawyer to see if you should develop a marriage contract of your own to define and protect your union.
Taking the time to discuss your partnership and make decisions together can help create a well-oiled machine to move your relationship forward. Plus, it can ensure that the love you treasure has a strong vehicle that lets you race into the future together.
Visit the Equality in Marriage Institute's Web site at equalityinmarriage.org.
