Celebrate "Undo"?

Imagine yourself walking down the aisle. When you get there, you see your husband, and both you and he say "I do." With that, your marriage is over. 

Did you ever think you'd find yourself walking down the aisle and reciting those sacred word right before calling your marriage quits?

A few years ago, the Wall Street Journal reported that the United Church of Christ, a Protestant denomination, has instituted a formal divorce service called "Order for Recognition of the End of a Marriage." Surrounded by family and friends, couples exchange vows, pledging to honor and respect one another after their marriage is over. The couple's children might even be present to collect the rings after they are re-exchanged.

The Journal reported that other faiths are also considering rituals to mark the end of a marriage.

Is this a good spiritual approach to breaking marriage ties, or just an out there option? In our Vote & Vent survey, about 63 percent of ThirdAgers weren't open to such a celebration.

Dianne writes: "Most couples I know are too antagonistic and too emotionally fragile to go through a formal ceremony to acknowledge their marriage is ending, much less a ceremony where they exchange more 'vows.'"

An anonymous ThirdAger adds, "The problem is that most marriages break up because someone didn't honor their wedding vows. So why should anyone honor any vows they had taken in a divorce service?"

Other cynics claim that Hallmark would be the first to benefit from this ceremony celebration -- followed by the reception halls, the caterers and so on.

Still, one divorced member points out that "a simple divorce does not deal with the deep emotional side effects. Maybe this ceremony would take care of that important aspect?" David agrees that "it could be a safe and respectable way to close what began in truth as a loving and lovable relationship..."

It's clear that all couples could not handle such a ceremony, says Steve Brody, Ph.D., coauthor of Renew Your Marriage at Midlife (PenguinPutnam, 1999).

Yet for those who could, divorce ceremonies may be beneficial. "It would help them continue to rise above their anger, especially having the children in the ceremony, as well as other key family members," says Brody.