Health
The Big "D" -- Your Common Questions About Divorce
Below are some of the questions ThirdAge gets most frequently from readers about divorce. We've tried our best to give some answers here, too, that can help you improve your situation.
1. When's enough enough? How do I know when to consider divorce?
We believe strongly that if you're in a situation that's physically or mentally unhealthy, you've got two options: Work to improve the partnership or get out. Of course, solutions happen overnight, but being part of an equal partnership means being able to articulate your concerns and working together on solutions. If one partner is unable or unwilling to collaborate and create a lifestyle that's mutually beneficial, then it may be time to consider calling it quits and get to rebuilding a more fulfilling and stable life -- solo.
2. How do I tell my significant other I'd like to work on repairing our relationship?
Communicating sensitive issues is never easy, and it's important to be prepared. Simply saying "I'm unhappy," or "This isn't working," is vague and won't be an effective starting point for conversation. First, think about the specific components of your relationship or your partner's behavior that are causing difficulties. Then, when broaching sensitive subjects, start out on a positive note by bringing up aspects of the partnership that are fulfilling and rewarding. From there, move on to the broken areas of the relationship with a focus on working together for improvement -- and not with an accusatory tone.
3. I'm getting divorced. What do I do first?
The first thing to do when approaching a divorce is to educate yourself. Utilize on- and offline resources like The Institute's Web site to learn all you can about the process of divorce and the different options available to you. Then make sure you have copies of all important financial and legal documents related to your marriage. Once you have a basic understanding of the divorce process and all your paperwork is in order, have an initial consultation with a lawyer who can help you understand the dynamics of divorce in your state and for your given situation.
4. After a divorce, how long should I wait before I start dating again?
There's no standard time that should exist between divorce and dating. What is important is that you're actually ready to work on a relationship and that you're not just rushing into a new situation to escape dealing with the emotional ramifications of the one that's just ended. Make sure you have taken time to really understand where your previous partnership didn't work and to utilize those lessons in future relationships.
Also, make sure you have taken time to focus on your new life and that you've improved yourself as an individual before jumping in the dating pool again. It is nearly impossible to have a strong "we" if there isn't a strong "me."
Get more tips on communication at the Institute for Equality in Marriage.
1. When's enough enough? How do I know when to consider divorce?
We believe strongly that if you're in a situation that's physically or mentally unhealthy, you've got two options: Work to improve the partnership or get out. Of course, solutions happen overnight, but being part of an equal partnership means being able to articulate your concerns and working together on solutions. If one partner is unable or unwilling to collaborate and create a lifestyle that's mutually beneficial, then it may be time to consider calling it quits and get to rebuilding a more fulfilling and stable life -- solo.
2. How do I tell my significant other I'd like to work on repairing our relationship?
Communicating sensitive issues is never easy, and it's important to be prepared. Simply saying "I'm unhappy," or "This isn't working," is vague and won't be an effective starting point for conversation. First, think about the specific components of your relationship or your partner's behavior that are causing difficulties. Then, when broaching sensitive subjects, start out on a positive note by bringing up aspects of the partnership that are fulfilling and rewarding. From there, move on to the broken areas of the relationship with a focus on working together for improvement -- and not with an accusatory tone.
3. I'm getting divorced. What do I do first?
The first thing to do when approaching a divorce is to educate yourself. Utilize on- and offline resources like The Institute's Web site to learn all you can about the process of divorce and the different options available to you. Then make sure you have copies of all important financial and legal documents related to your marriage. Once you have a basic understanding of the divorce process and all your paperwork is in order, have an initial consultation with a lawyer who can help you understand the dynamics of divorce in your state and for your given situation.
4. After a divorce, how long should I wait before I start dating again?
There's no standard time that should exist between divorce and dating. What is important is that you're actually ready to work on a relationship and that you're not just rushing into a new situation to escape dealing with the emotional ramifications of the one that's just ended. Make sure you have taken time to really understand where your previous partnership didn't work and to utilize those lessons in future relationships.
Also, make sure you have taken time to focus on your new life and that you've improved yourself as an individual before jumping in the dating pool again. It is nearly impossible to have a strong "we" if there isn't a strong "me."
Get more tips on communication at the Institute for Equality in Marriage.
