First of all, realize that the shock you feel is a common reaction and it will pass. It's understandable to feel numb, confused, "out of it" or outraged. Help yourself by remembering that this is one of those difficult storms of mental, physical and emotional stress that sometimes happen in life. Fortunately, this too shall pass.
Be patient with your feelings and remember that, like a rainstorm, they are sometimes necessary to clear things away and create a better situation.
To cope with the aftershocks of betrayal and create stability in your life, it is very important to nurture yourself. You will need your best physical, emotional and mental resources to deal with the situation in the future, so do everything you can right now to take care of yourself. Be sure to give yourself adequate sleep, take breaks to rest as needed, and don't forget to move, stretch or exercise. Make time to eat properly and keep hydrated. Nourish yourself with your favorite things that comfort you, help your mood and relieve tension.
Be as kind and as patient with yourself as possible. The reason betrayed trust can feel so shocking is that it violates what you thought you knew about your partner, your relationship and your life together.
Just like feeling aftershocks following an earthquake, it takes time to adapt to this new view of reality and to calm and heal emotions.
Have realistic expectations and don't expect perfection or instant solutions. Try to postpone making any big unnecessary decisions while you are coping with this adjustment. Wait until things calm down and you are in a better position to know what you want for the long term. As time passes and healing begins, it's easier to see the possibilities, decisions and actions that will lead you in the direction you want to go.
Spending time with people provides social support and can strengthen your resilience. Connecting with a trusted friend, relative or counselor can relieve some pressure and help you to understand what happened and why.
Remember that things look darkest while you're feeling the shock of trust betrayed. Take care of yourself now and know that you can find a way to build something better when the aftershocks have passed.
John Gray, Ph.D., of www.marsvenus.com, is considered one of the world's leading authority on relationships. He is the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, one of the best-selling non-fiction books of the '90s.
